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Eat My Words: We review the Smug Cow Burger Co takeaway, in Home Gardens, Dartford town centre

I don’t think you can go wrong with a good burger. For me that means jam-packed buns, full of flavour, dripping in sauce and quality meat.

The Smug Cow Burger Co’s takeaway unit in Dartford town centre seemed to be promising just that so I went to try it out.

Smug Cow, in Home Gardens, Dartford opened around a year ago
Smug Cow, in Home Gardens, Dartford opened around a year ago

The fast food business opened around a year ago in June 2022 offering cheekily named items such as the “Fat Cow”, “Cow on Cow” and “Dirty Dog”.

Similar to most, I like to know what to expect so I looked up the menu ahead of time but some of the pictures left me apprehensive.

I headed down to the premises, in Apple Court, Home Gardens, tagging in my friend for help, and was surprised to see nobody was manning the counter when we entered and the laminated menu was just sat on the side.

After a few minutes, a staff member appeared from behind the saloon-styled doors that led to the kitchen and asked if we were ready, we weren’t so he disappeared back out.

There was no body behind the counter when we entered
There was no body behind the counter when we entered

You could hear that the kitchen was busy, with the JustEat ordering system continually dinging while we were there, so it took a moment to grab their attention again.

I called out and the man quickly rushed over to take our order of two burgers, two milkshakes, chips and a side of chicken wings.

The independent burger joint also stocks hot dogs, ribs, mac ‘n’ cheese bites, desserts, and has a children’s menu, as well as offering vegetarian, vegan and halal options.

We waited for around 15 minutes for our order and decided to eat it in the car as I feared it would get cold if we didn’t.

Tucking into my burger in the car park
Tucking into my burger in the car park

I opened up my “Smug Cow” – a six ounce beef patty, pulled beef brisket, Monterey Jack cheese and fried onions in a brioche bun - and it looked like a good burger.

It was jam-packed with filling but after my first bite I was left wanting something more.

The BBQ sauce and melted cheese were not enough to offset the dry brisket.

My friend’s “Smug Chicken” – chicken breast with cheese, potato rosti, lettuce, and mayonnaise in a brioche bun – was a lot better.

The Smug Chicken burger was the best item we had
The Smug Chicken burger was the best item we had

It was smothered in hot sauce, although there was the option to swap it for BBQ, and was dripping after the first bite. The chicken was juicy and lettuce fresh.

We also ordered a side of chicken wings and although they were steaming hot in the box, they were not crispy and the meat did not have the same quality as the burger. We left them after a few bites.

I was left pretty disappointed with my beef burger and side order but the portion of chips, milkshakes, “Smug Chicken” and signature sauces were nice.

We added a side of four hot chicken wings
We added a side of four hot chicken wings

Out of five:

Food: The beef burger which was too dry for me and chicken wings left a lot to be desired but the other items were good. ***

Drink: There was a a lot of different options including a wide selection of different flavoured milkshakes and soft drinks. ***

Decor: The inside of the premises was decorated to resemble a saloon with seats to wait for your order. ****

Staff: The staff were attentive while taking your order even though they seemed busy. ****

Price: All the burgers were around £10 and although the quality of ingredients were better than other fast food chains, I still think it was quite pricey for a takeaway. ***

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