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Secret Drinker

Our undercover reporter reviews Kent's pubs

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‘The most full-on, joyous, pulsating pub I’ve been to in ages’
‘A pub, diner or restaurant? Either way, the carpets were minging’
Let it shine: The pub with the golden glow
‘Astonishingly, she said the £10 glass of wine was brilliant value!’
‘Every customer through the pub door was treated like an honoured guest’
‘The sign said 'Caution, wet floor' but that’s the least of your worries in the gents’
‘It looked more like a seaside cafe than a pub, and it gave the missus the wobbles’
‘Apart from the fluorescent cocktails, everything in the pub is brown and sticky’
A beer lover’s higgledy-piggledy pub paradise
The pub where all pints are a fiver - apart from the ones costing £4.20 and £5.50!
Rumbled? ‘I’d know Secret Drinker anywhere,’ said the bloke next to me at the bar
‘Was that the Man United boss having a crafty pint?’
All the joys of Jamaica in a Kent pub
‘Absolutely filthy! The pub looked like a storeroom and you’ll stick to the tables like glue’
‘It was a weird, wonderful night of crazy karaoke’
Secret Drinker: ‘What the police were doing there, I’ll never know’
‘The Ship? This place was like the Mary Celeste…’
‘The only thing not from the 90s was the £1.50 for a packet of Golden Wonder’
‘I said I would never go back - but I did’
Danny Dyer lookalikes and the best barmaid in town at this footie fan’s paradise
‘The pub was as dead as the abandoned Christmas tree outside its back door’
Which Euros side is this pub? High hopes going in, poor performance upfront, not bad at the back?
‘It was operation get me to the pub’
‘As my missus swigged pints outside, I was in the bar with a mystery blonde’
Every pub Secret Drinker has reviewed in Kent and Medway
‘Whenever anyone entered or left, the whole bar erupted into complete mayhem’
Sacre bleu! Secret Drinker's culinary calamity
‘After just one sip the wife was pulling the most awful faces’
‘Sitting in this swish pub was quite literally like watching paint dry’
Secret Drinker visits the pub saved from the scrapheap
Secret Drinker at the pub that could be calling last orders for the final time
‘I was offered a pink Barbie Bomb, a dance or a huggle - I went with the huggle’
‘The perfect village pub - and the staff are something special too’
Love the beach, beer and big mutts? This is the spot for you?
‘Is the best pub in town really this Wetherspoon?’
‘Why we fell in love with this unpretentious backstreet boozer’
VIP smoking areas, flock wallpaper and doggy menus: Is this the pub of the future?
‘A house of paradise or a council house with a big shed on the side?’
‘Madness in my decision to visit this deceptive boozer’
Meet the busiest bartender in town - and the most argumentative punter
‘I had no clue what lay behind the solid grey doors – and still left confused’
‘The bar had a good vibe until a Dom Joly wannabe started hollering’
‘Dating back to the Tudors, this old inn has enough beams to build an armada’
‘The mould in the pub toilet was growing so fast you could see it spreading before your eyes’
‘Impressive, full of history and tasteful throughout! But it was just boring...’
‘I made three silly assumptions about this pub – they were all wrong!’
'The whole bar is firmly locked in the middle of last century'
The pub that's taking over the whole street
'A pint costs 99p and the food arrives faster than a Big Mac'
‘An off-grid pub with no wi-fi, no hot drinks, no TV and an outside bog’
The family-run pub that’s home to one Massive Legend
‘It's a barren desert without a single boozer worth visiting'
Love it or hate it? The weird, wacky pubs in the most Marmite place in Kent
Threatened by the Krays in pub loo during liquid lunch
The pub was serving ‘5% hangover-free lager’ so I just had to try it
‘Does downing a vegan beer in the pub mean I’m doing Veganuary?’
Here’s food for thought - a pub that puts drinkers first!
A pub that's the answer to my prayers
‘Bizarre in the extreme and the quirkiest boozer I’ve ever visited’
Feel the love! 'This could be the most welcoming pub I’ve ever visited'
'It's a village pub you want to keep returning to time after time'
Secret Drinker and the punters who love talking about sex
A sublime seaside pub where you park on the pebbles
‘I’d like to be able to say this isn’t the most depressing pub ever’
‘This pub’s a powerful mix of tradition and great hospitality’
‘I love it when a plan comes together’
'The landlord was having a much-needed snooze in an armchair'
Frenzied footie fan has a Friday night meltdown
‘Emergency stop led us to this forgettable boozer...’
'A dark old boozer and the packet of fish fingers'
Secret Drinker visits Kent's 'oldest' pub with very modern prices
Secret Drinker soaks up spring at one of Kent's top pub gardens
‘£6.10 for a pint of lager – but this hidden gem has a lot going for it’
Bamboozled by the laughing barmaids as Noel Edmonds watches on
'The language from the bar was even fruitier than the ciders'
Smart and swish but this pub needs more punters
‘A raucous cauldron of noise, heat and love of life was pouring out the door’
Funny handshakes, flat pints and the aroma of burnt fat wafting from the kitchen
‘The most unwelcoming pub I’ve walked into all year’
'They do say don't judge a book by its posh-looking cover...'
The best bar none: This is Kent’s top pub – and here’s why...
Secret Drinker's hunt for a good pub in Whitstable
‘The pub garden – stacked high with junk – was desolate and uninviting’
‘The banter from the boys at the bar could be heard in the street’
‘We were greeted by caterwauling women and a guy asking for a spliff’
The rival brothers w split one big pub into two small ones
'It was one of the dingiest, gloomiest pubs I’ve walked into'
‘The pub had about as much kerb appeal as roadkill’
‘It was like having a pint on the strip at Magaluf’
Cold shoulders and stony glares in a real locals' local
Two pubs, same owner but huge difference on the price of a pint
‘The pub garden was stunning but the meal was tasteless’
La-di-da! Could this be Kent’s poshest pub?
Secret Drinker visits the local saved by its regulars
Where the chickens and a wacky barmaid rule the roost
'It was like we walked into an unseen episode of ‘Allo ‘Allo!'
Men in skirts, £8 pints and dancing in the street
‘A visit to this tired pub could put you to sleep’
'A brilliant beer garden, pool and two bathing beauties'
Scentsational: The pub with no ale, but wow what a smell
Luvvies with handheld fluffy dogs were kissing each other on the cheek
‘It calls itself a pub but feels more like a show home’
'The stench from the gents hits you like a sledgehammer'
No flashing lights, no trendy paint jobs and no nonsense
‘I’ve visited some impressive looking Wetherspoon pubs, but this isn’t one of them’
'I’m not going to pay for what he sicked up'
‘Straight from another planet’: Secret Drinker at Kent’s most remarkable pub
The best seat in the house at one of Kent’s most secluded pubs
‘I know I’m banned from the pub, but will you do me a tab?’
'Several drinkers were so tired and emotional they were having trouble speaking'
'If there was a surliest bartender award she’d be a strong contender'
'Next in the pub was a topless punter carrying a blood-soaked shirt'
‘From the mood to the language, everything about the pub was blue’
The pub table was so sticky the wife's skin came off
The Great Escape: Secret Drinker gives guru punter the slip
‘Like an angel crying on your tongue’! Is this the perfect pint?
‘The noisy bird in the corner of the pub advised me to **** off’
‘I couldn’t believe what my missus did in this pub...’
Looking for an upmarket pint? Secret Drinker has the answer...
Cheap beer, fast food! A pint for £2.35 and the grub arrives in three minutes
Is £8 too much to shell out for a scotch egg in the pub?
'It's nothing short of miraculous that this pub is still alive and functioning'
Is this the most ugly looking pub in Kent?
It may not have a sign but this pub is crying out for the support of its locals
Traditional 15th century inn, eye-watering 21st century prices
Is that Micky Flanagan at the bar?
'The pub's bustling atmosphere drowned out the crack of gunshots from outside'
Boob tubes and rock 'n' roll: It's what Friday nights are made for
Beer, banter and a hairy hound – but is it even a pub?
Winning! The reinvented pub ticking all the right boxes
A £1m facelift 'but zero atmosphere and lacklustre clientele'
Has Secret Drinker already found his pub of 2023?
'This is fungal growth which needs some serious attention'
The part of Kent where even the pubs are closed for Dry January
'I was offered a knock off Armani tracksuit before I could even order a pint'
Secret Drinker finds the Holy Grail at historic pub
'I should probably be grateful I wasn’t served a completely full pint'
The pub where you get a personalised bar stool (after 12 years of boozing)
'The toilets smelt of mould, the music was rubbish and everyone was wearing a coat'
Barrels of fun! A traditional, colourful boozer that's a little piece of heaven
Secret Drinker almost rumbled by landlady at historic pub
Freddy Krueger pours Secret Drinker a pint
What's not to love? Dark beams, a real fire and an old-fashioned bar with hops
Pub bores, a pint for £6.30 and it's good cop, bad cop behind the bar
'Is this the only truly traditional pub left in the entire town?'
'The pub was about as lively as the lifeless beer '
'The pub was decorated like a fancy mobile home on a posh caravan site'
'Two baguettes for £21 and one was full of gristly steak!'
'Quite simply the best food I’ve been served in a pub'
'Enough room for the landlord's Bentley and GB News on mute on the TV'
Opening date for town’s first Domino’s in former bank
'OAPs with patriotic hair deserve to have fun - but good job defib was on hand'
Sitting pretty - but is it really 'the best pub you’ll find for miles'?
'Most plates were sent back with enough food left to feed the Towie cast'
Flushed with love: 'Spectacular and the highlight of my year reviewing pub toilets'
'The new manageress was soon pulling crystals from her bra'
Secret Drinker and two slippery little customers
Sockless metrosexuals and Bilbo Baggins at gastro pub with buzz
Two very horny hounds and the axe-wielding barmaid
Secret Drinker, the footie team and a pub of two halves
'It was like I had just walked into someone's front room, not a pub!'
Secret Drinker at the super-sized pub in the middle of nowhere
'The most uninviting pub I’ve ever had the misfortune to visit'
Dropping anchor in the pub that time forgot
'A fitting aroma but does Pig run before it can trot?'
On the wrong side of the tracks at The Railway
The golden oasis and the punters' new shirts
Helpful, chatty and hard-working! Is this the ideal barmaid?
The free house and the fish with extremely large fingers
Always read the 'regulars only' sign
Secret Drinker: 'It was a step away from turning into Acorn Antiques'
Secret Drinker ends up the only punter in the oldest gay bar in town
Buzzing: Secret Drinker chills in a pub garden just yards from the sea
Inch perfect: Kent's smallest pub reopens after a 10 year wait
Size matters! Big up to the pub but where's our large glass of wine?
Undrinkable: 'The only good thing about the pint? It was served on a beermat'
Lime green razors, pink socks and a punter turning the air blue
Sausage and chips for £13.50 - but the bangers were bang on
Smelly loos, hit and miss booze - but the girl's a star
You couldn't make it up: Lamb pie's the special but the barman's mutton
Busy, bustling and full of banter
It's great to be back at the pub - but £11 for a glass of wine, REALLY!
Secret Drinker finds out who had all pies on the last night before lockdown
Secret Drinker: When cheap beer isn't everything
Pulling power: The pub that's packing in the punters
Rolling back the beers
'This is the best boozer for miles around'
A shining star in the middle of nowhere
'When it came to the beer I seriously considered drinking the hand sanitizer instead'
Secret Drinker and the fart from the dark
Secret Drinker's spicy night out
Secret Drinker and the bar with no beer
'That landlord was just plain rude'
Loopy dogs and limping landlords in the back of beyond
Secret Drinker: Blood, Sheps and beers
Get a room! Secret Drinker and the loved up couple
Secret Drinker: River deep, prices high
Secret Drinker visits one of the county’s pub treasures
The village pub that came back from the dead
Secret Drinker's fruity Saturday night in the pub
You Wantsum! Secret Drinker certainly did on his latest pub mission
Missing pints and electric banana pizzas, Secret Drinker's crazy night out
Secret Drinker reviews the poshest Wetherspoons in Kent
Fires, frowns and Flog It: Secret Drinker is back on Sheppey
Secret Drinker samples the sea air from a Sheps vantage point
'A man lurched into me before falling flat on the pub floor'
Secret Drinker's sweet and sour success story
Obscenities, cougars and the biggest fruit machine I'd ever seen
Hot stuff! Secret Drinker finds a proper pub with roaring log fire
The lumpiest custard ever and mad barmaids - Secret Drinker is back
Secret Drinker encounters 'the most inedible thing in the world'
Secret Drinker fails to find festive magic on his latest pub trip
Secret Drinker finds a spot for dedicated beer followers
Looking for a great country pub? Secret Drinker has the solution...
Secret Drinker battles the flat cap brigade for a place at the bar
Two for the price of one: Secret Drinker reviews pubs just yards apart
Secret Drinker opens the door to 'one of the least attractive boozers in Kent'
Hard cheese! Secret Drinker's parmesan fiasco
Secret Drinker at one of Kent's top end gastro pubs
Secret Drinker heads to church for a quick pint
Secret Drinker finds a pub cheaper than Wetherspoon
Secret Drinker, a drowned village and the perfect seaside pub
Secret Drinker takes a step into the unknown
I'll drink to that! Secret Drinker finds a pub with a view that wows
Secret Drinker visits an historic boozer in the heart of Kent
Secret Drinker uncorks a cracking country pub near the Kent coast
Charmed! Secret Drinker and the Irish barmaid
Undrinkable beer and a frolicking Pomeranian! Secret Drinker is back
Secret Drinker finds a West Malling gem
Secret Drinker finds a pub with a No.1 pastime
Secret Drinker meets a pub's youngest ever customer
Secret Drinker: Beer as dull as dishwater and profiteroles 'on the turn'
Secret Drinker unearths 'Kent’s best pub garden'
Secret Drinker heads to country inn on the Kent/Sussex border
Secret Drinker takes a step back in time to a 'right proper' local
Secret Drinker reviews the Rising Sun at Kingsdown, near Deal
Secret Drinker reviews the Maiden's Head pub in Canterbury
Secret Drinker calls in at The Yeoman in Bearsted
Secret Drinker reviews 'Kent's premier gay and lesbian bar'
Secret Drinker calls in for a pint at the Belle Vue
Secret Drinker drops into Ye Olde Chequers Inn
Secret Drinker reviews the Black Horse
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