Secret Drinker reviews the Royal Oak in Blean near Canterbury
Published: 05:00, 18 August 2023
Updated: 07:21, 15 September 2023
Greeted by a chorus of caterwauling women and a guy asking if anyone had a spliff, I couldn’t imagine what might happen next at The Royal Oak in Blean.
What I certainly didn’t expect, as I stepped up to the bar, was for someone to ask: “Have you been working out?”
Fortunately, just before I answered, I glanced over my shoulder and spotting an incredibly well-muscled, bronzed and athletic gentlemen realised this question, unlike the spliff query, wasn’t aimed at me.
I later discovered this was a regular going by the name of Tom who’s been busy on the weights for the last 12 months.
It was a beautiful evening and I was out with the Apprentice so we were both pleased to see a good selection of draught ales to choose from.
I’ve had a few decent experiences with the Wantsum Brewery so I chose a pint of 4.0% Imperium bitter and the lad selected a triple-hopped pale ale produced by Timothy Taylor called Hopical Storm, also clocking in at 4.0%.
We took our pints and headed outside as it was unusually warm and there was a gorgeous sunset to view.
Carefully balancing our recent purchases on the slantiest table I’ve ever seen, we took in our surroundings but our attention was taken by several of the aforementioned caterwaulers who had now run into the harvested field at the back and were, for some inexplicable reason, trying to roll around a huge circular straw bale.
They returned to the back room to re-join their favourite item in the pub, the jukebox, and began blasting out a very dodgy impression of Amy Winehouse.
Judging by the trophies on the windowsill there must be a few people here who are either reasonable pool players or decent with a set of arrows.
But the standard of play on the blue/grey table wasn’t great while we were in so maybe the singing was affecting concentration.
The area at the back of the pub is more of an alleyway, with a smoking shack, but we’d spotted a sign saying there was a garden so wandered round to the side of the pub.
Here we were once again treated to a stunning sunset display and also discovered the garden proper, which looks as if has undergone a full makeover fairly recently and had a reasonable amount of dosh invested in it.
Plastic turf has been laid down throughout and there are stacks of plastic table and chair sets. I also spotted a decent-looking children’s play area and a couple of tykes enjoying a late evening bounce.
In fact, there were a number of young children dotted about right up to the time we left, just after 10pm.
We also spotted several old wooden pub signs which looked like originals and I assume were saved from now sadly defunct old boozers – The Lamb on The Strand and The Crooked Billet to name but two.
On the other hand, they might just be repro signs, made to appear old, and fixed to the fence for decoration.
It was time for another pint so we returned indoors, via the dining room in the conservatory, and I shifted to a Cain And Abel from the Kent Brewery, based near West Malling.
I’ve rated their brews fairly highly before but this 3.3% ale, claiming its citrus tang allows it to punch above its weight, tasted a little wishy-washy to me.
Although The Apprentice didn’t even try a second pint, choosing instead a vodka and coke.
Regular Alex, who’d been in since 5pm, joined us in the bar sporting a natty pair of sandals and a blanket wrapped around his shoulders.
No explanation for his attire was forthcoming but most folk seemed to think it was par for the course and simply referred to him as Ghandi.
Another local Baz seemingly intent upon ignoring the blanket wearer instead began sharing his knowledge on several subjects with us.
First we were treated to pheasant husbandry but he swiftly shifted to the sport of kings and assured us Bucanero Fuerte would romp home in the 4.40 at The Curragh – his assurance was based purely on the fact jockey Kevin Stott was travelling a large distance for a single ride.
The easily-led Apprentice reached for his phone immediately to waste his money but reception failed him and he made a note to place a bet the following morning.
Okay, the cat’s chorus didn’t miss murdering a single song and there’s clearly a decent dose of eccentricity on Blean Common, but they appreciate their local and are intent upon supporting it.
The Royal Oak knows it isn’t flash, but it doesn’t want, or need, to be and by keeping things simple plays to its strength.
And the nag, which we both failed to back, started the day at exactly the odds Baz predicted and then won easily!
The Royal Oak, 140 Blean Common, Blean, Canterbury CT2 9JJ
Decor: The building has some history and several features, like the windows, look original but much has been made over and plenty of grey and cream paint has been added. ***
Drink: There was a good choice of draught beers and both Imperium and 13.81 from Wantsum Brewery were decent. Kent Brewery’s offering, Cain And Abel, didn’t live up to expectation but it was a reasonably well-stocked bar. ****
Price: Making much of its striking brand and being triple hopped, a pint of Hopical Storm is £4.90 which is perhaps a little steep for Timothy Taylor but the Imperium was 50p cheaper at £4.40. The crisps cost was what now seems to be the universal price for this snack, £1. ***
Staff: Like the pub, the landlord was straightforward, to the point, and effective. Effusive he certainly wasn’t, some might argue a barman only needs one expression. ***
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