A 26-year-old woman with genital herpes has spoken of her experience in a bid to break the stigma surrounding the virus.

After navigating the dating world as someone with a contagious STI, Rosie Bailey feels there is a lack of education about herpes and wants to start a conversation to change that...

Rosie wasn't initially fazed when her then-boyfriend revealed to her five years ago that he had herpes.

"At the time it didn't really mean anything to me," she recalls.

"I wasn't really educated on it.

"You're taught 'wear a condom or you'll get chlamydia or you'll get pregnant', and that's as far as it goes. So I was quite ignorant.

"We practised safe sex, but there are times when the rules slide, and me getting herpes was something we were anticipating was going to happen at some point, like it was inevitable."

"You're like 'oh my gosh this is the worst thing in the world'..."

There is no cure for herpes and the virus comes in two forms - genital and oral herpes, the latter the cause of cold sores.

In December 2017, Rosie became unwell and on Christmas Eve was diagnosed with genital herpes.

"I was just really, really poorly," she recalls. "It really hurt to go to the toilet, I had fever symptoms, my glands and my throat were so swollen.

"It was a really horrible time."

Rosie, who grew up in Whitstable and went to St Anselm's school in Canterbury, describes genital sores as being "like little spots or bites".

"They can feel like little cuts, or just generally quite uncomfortable and itchy," she said.

"Your first outbreak is always the worst, which is always a very scary and intimidating moment.

"You're like 'oh my gosh this is the worst thing in the world'."

After her initial outbreaks, Rosie had bouts a couple of times a month, particularly when run-down, stressed, or menstruating - with the sores accompanied by leg pain, tiredness and intense headaches, all of which was managed with anti-viral pills.

But as her partner already had herpes, it was a known entity.

"I felt I was in a safe environment," said Rosie. "I wasn't going through it on my own. My partner had it so I felt very much supported."

"We were sat on the sofa drinking wine, and he just moved further away..."

Things changed for Rosie when, a couple of years later, she and her boyfriend separated at the start of the Covid pandemic.

She remembers: "I was just like 'oh my God, how am I going to explain this to future partners? Are they going to judge me?'"

Unfortunately for Rosie, during her first foray into dating, her revelation about having an STI did not go down well.

"We got chatting on a dating app and got on really well," she said.

"We met up, went for a drink in a park and then I went back to his.

"It was a good date and things were going well.

"I didn't really think anything sexual was going to happen, but we were talking about who we'd dated since our previous relationships and I said 'oh I haven't dated anyone because I've got herpes and I've been a bit nervous'."

Rosie says her date became immediately "standoffish" and scared.

"We were sat on the sofa drinking wine, and he just moved further away," she said.

"I was like 'you're not going to catch it by just talking to me - it's not coronavirus'."

Rosie tried to explain more about herpes and how it is transmitted.

"It shouldn't be looked down on any more..."

"I was trying to reassure him, but it really baffled him," she said.

"I'm not sure if he just wasn't expecting it or was worried that I was going to infect him, like I was some sort of zombie."

Since then, Rosie's experience has been far more positive.

During lockdown in July 2020, she decided to harness the power of social media by going public about her condition on Instagram, to help spread awareness.

She wrote about her experience, and urged others to be more open about herpes.

"I've discovered many people have herpes and it's a shame to know how many of those kept it secret, refuse to believe they have it or avoid conversation," she wrote in the post.

"It is something that's mocked and made a joke of as it's considered 'dirty'.

"It shouldn't be looked down on any more.

"I need you to understand how common the virus is to catch, therefore no one should feel or be ashamed due to the negative connotations attached to it. It's time for the stigma to be broken and people see it in a different light."

Rosie also urged people to take contraception and sexual health "more seriously".

Since her post, she has been messaged by people across the world asking for advice.

She also runs a private Facebook page for people living with herpes.

"People in Australia, South Africa, America have messaged me," she said.

"It just really goes to show, worldwide, that people just aren't talking about it."

"You can learn to live with herpes and live a very happy, normal life..."

Rosie says it is important for people with herpes to be more open, to increase awareness and understanding.

"There's a lot of people that have it and don't tell anyone, and that puts other people at risk," she says. "Or they have it and they don't know what it is, which puts other people at risk too.

"It's really sad seeing a lot of women especially get really scared about disclosing their herpes to partners or dates, or talking about it to their girlfriends or families."

But not everyone's experiences are as positive as Rosie's.

"A lot of people's stories have been 'a guy blocked my number and now I've got herpes'," she says.

"Some circumstances are tragic and they are horrible to hear.

"But at the end of the day you can learn to live with herpes and live a very happy, normal life.

"It's OK to have it - you're not on your own."

"It's made me much more of a loving, cautious person..."

Today, Rosie's outbreaks are infrequent and managed through medication and lifestyle, and she is in a relationship with someone who does not have herpes.

"We've been together for a year," she said. "We're really sensible and responsible."

"If anything, I'm actually very glad and happy that I've got herpes," she adds.

"Because it's made me much more of a loving, cautious person - it's made me a lot more grounded.

"Whereas before I didn't really think about my actions and I was very young, wild and free, now I'm a lot more careful and I try and assure others that they should be more responsible."

What is herpes?

There are two types of herpes.

Herpes type 1 - HSV1, or oral herpes - typically causes cold sores around the mouth and lips.

Herpes type 2 - HSV2 or genital herpes - is a sexually transmitted infection.

It causes sores around the genitals, and can occur in other locations, typically below the waist.

Both types of the virus can spread to the face or genitals through close contact, such as kissing or oral sex.

Some people with genital herpes have only mild symptoms, meaning you may have it without noticing.

Most people with oral herpes contract it after being exposed to the virus when they're young through close skin-to-skin contact, such as kissing, with someone who has a cold sore. It does not usually cause any symptoms until you're older.

The virus (HSV) that causes both genital and oral herpes remains in the body indefinitely.

It remains dormant for the majority of the time, but can flare up causing an outbreak.

Outbreaks of both types of herpes can be triggered by things such as being run-down, menstruation, stress, and sunshine.

There is no cure for herpes. Symptoms clear up by themselves, and symptoms can be managed through treatment such as anti-virals and creams.

It is thought that more than 66% of people carry the herpes simplex virus.

In 2016, the World Health Organisation said an estimated 491.5 million people were living with HSV2, equivalent to 13.2% of the world’s population aged 15 to 49 years.

Meanwhile, an estimated 3.7 billion people had HSV1 - around 66.6% of the world’s population aged 49 and below.