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Lewis Scott had everything to live for - a loving wife and four children, a beautiful home in Whitstable, a successful business, and good friends.
But in late September, aged just 46, he tragically took his own life.
His death has come as a deep shock to his loved ones.
He had never been diagnosed with depression, and outwardly appeared to be charismatic, funny and charming; a well-liked dad with what many would describe as a “perfect life”.
But Lewis’s widow, Sam, now understands his mood swings and angry outbursts - which she had long considered part of the “lively, unpredictable” personality she loved - could have been a sign of a deeper battle with mental health.
As a young couple, she and Lewis lived in London, before marrying in Australia and travelling the world.
In 2006, they moved to Whitstable to raise their children; Matilda, now 15, and Rudy, 13.
Sam works as head of development at the Marlowe Theatre in Canterbury, while Lewis set up his own security engineering firm.
“He did really well because he’s very, very charming and charismatic,” explained Sam, 49.
“Lewis was always lively, unpredicatable.
“You never knew what he was going to be every morning.
“He would either be very excitable - full of business ideas, travelling ideas, fun ideas, completely full of life - or very quiet and low.”
Sam says Lewis’s low periods, which saw him spend several days on the sofa every few months, had been going on since their relationship began.
“I used to like a relax on the sofa too sometimes, so when Lewis had those periods I wasn’t particularly worried,” she explained.
“It wasn’t ever like ‘Lewis has depression and he’s miserable’. It was blips - down, then back to normal, and down, and normal.
"We got used to it, so I didn’t identify it.”
Looking back, she and her children now realise things worsened for Lewis in 2017.
“He was starting to struggle with life,” reflects Sam.
“He came off his social media, stopped wanting to go out as much, didn’t want to go on holiday.
“Lewis was very conflicted in that he wanted to be successful, but the other half of him was a hippy who wanted to lay on a beach in India. He had that internal battle.
“It was becoming really difficult to get through to him, and the sofa times were getting longer.”
But Sam says her husband’s temper masked his symptoms, which “didn’t look like depression”.
“It just looked like an extreme bad mood,” she said.
“Depression doesn’t necessarily look like a sweet, sad person. I didn’t know that.
“I thought it looked like Eeyore. But what I’ve learned through this is that for a lot of people, it doesn’t.”
In mid-September 2019, Sam and Lewis celebrated their 18th wedding anniversary with a weekend in London.
“He was in a good place and we loved each other’s company,” she said.
“The next weekend, he had a bad mood. He was angry and had a bad few days. We couldn’t face him that week.”
Lewis went to sleep in an annexe in the garden. At about 8.30am on Wednesday, September 25, Sam returned from a dog walk and heard her husband greet the family pets in the kitchen, before she left for work.
But on arriving home that afternoon, Lewis was nowhere to be found.
Over the next couple of days, Sam grew increasingly worried as she contacted friends and family, who said they too were unsure where Lewis could be.
By Friday, Sam called a family friend who agreed to break into the locked garden shed. Lewis’s body was sadly discovered inside.
He had left no suicide note, but police investigating his death revealed he had used his phone to search the internet with questions like ‘has anyone survived a Beachy Head fall?’ in the days before.
Last week, a coroner ruled Lewis died by suicide.
“I can’t describe the pain and devastation we are living through,” said Sam.
“His friends, family and especially his four children have to live with this every day for the rest of their lives.
“Lewis was the most chatty, lovely, funny person.
“He would put on that face day after day, year after year. You would never have known in a million years that there was anything there.
“I can’t imagine what he was thinking and how he thought his death could be a better outcome than his life for anyone he loved, or for himself.
“I don’t know if Lewis was mentally ill - if it was depression, bi-polar, childhood trauma, the stresses of day-to-day life and having to bring in a certain amount of money, or a perfect storm of all those things. “He could have talked to me, his mum, his siblings, his friends.
“But I think he felt so upset with himself, he didn’t want to talk about it.
“And ultimately, people that kill themselves are upset with themselves. I think that’s what we have to learn.
“They don’t die because they want to leave the people around them. They die because their pain is so horrific, they can’t cope with it.”
Sam and her children are dealing with their grief through counselling and daily “pep talks”.
"I can't imagine what he was thinking and how he thought his death could be a better outcome than his life for anyone he loved, or for himself"
“Lewis made the ultimate sacrifice, I think because his mind was telling him he was a burden and we’d be better off without him,” she said.
“I wish I could scream ‘you are not a burden - we love you so much - we need some help’.
“Therefore I think we now need to make every single day count, and have a really positive impact on the world.”
Sam hopes that by sharing her tragic experience, she can help other people who are dealing with struggling loved ones.
She has raised more than £6,000 in Lewis’ memory for mental health charity Mind. To donate, click here
End the Stigma
KentOnline’s sister paper the Kentish Gazette has launched an End the Stigma campaign to raise awareness of increasing suicide rates, particularly in men suffering in silence.
Suicide is the biggest killer of men aged under 45 in the county, and in Canterbury the number of people taking their own lives rose from 10 in 2012 to 20 in 2017.
The campaign has heard from the families of a number of men who chose to end their own lives, who have spoken of the stigma surrounding mental health issues, and how they wish their loved ones had spoken out.
Lewis’s widow Sam said: “We know men don’t talk about things as much as women. I do think there’s pride there.
"If it was me, or any of us, we’d have a circle of girlfriends around us who would drag us out and it would come out, whereas men often just don’t have that.”
The campaign has also gained support of Lords Minister for Works and Pensions Baroness Stedman-Scott OBE, who said: “The Kentish Gazette’s End The Stigma campaign rightly raises awareness about mental health issues and suicide.
“No family should have to go through losing a loved one and if the campaign saves just one life, it will be worth it.”
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If you need help on an emotional issue you can call the Samaritans free, at any time, on 116 123.
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