It's a conversation no parent ever wants to have with their children – telling them you have incurable cancer.

But for Dartford mum-of-two Nicola Owen, 36, this was the position she found herself in when she received her secondary diagnosis two years ago.

Dartford mum explains how she told her children about her incurable cancer diagnosis

The nurse, who works at Darent Valley Hospital and is currently shielding and working from home, was first diagnosed with multifocal invasive ductal carcinoma in her left breast in 2011 aged 26.

She underwent a full mastectomy with rounds of chemotherapy and radiotherapy plus hormone treatment.

It was devastating to hear for Nic who was halfway through her university course at the time and newly-engaged to husband Matt.

Doctors even warned her she could have fertility issues but despite this she went on to have "two beautiful miracles", son Dylan, five, and daughter Poppy, three.

Life was again looking up when just four months after Poppy’s birth, in 2018, she was given a secondary diagnosis.

This time around the mum-of-two was given the unenviable and difficult task of how to face telling her children she had incurable cancer.

Fortunately, Nic didn't have to face it alone and could draw on the mutual support of friend and teacher Jen Pope, 35, also a mum-of-two with secondary cancer.

The pair met at a cancer conference for young breast cancer patients in Bristol just before the lockdown and, realising they had similar back stories and positive outlooks, "just clicked".

"We just get each other," said Nic. "We can talk about everything without upsetting each other because we're in the same place."

And while both were thankful for the sessions, they felt the information on informing their children was a little off-key and could risk upsetting them.

Nic said: "One of the sessions was how to talk to your children about cancer and it was run by a psychologist and she was wonderful.

"But all the resources she was showing us were quite emotive and she read one of the stories out to us and the whole room was in tears.

"And me and Jen just thought this wasn't how we wanted to approach this with our children."

That's when the two mums decided to draw on their different areas of expertise and came up with the idea of creating flash cards together to "take the scary" out of cancer.

This led to the creation of their joint venture The Little C club and a pack of brightly coloured cards listed A to Z.

One side of each card is heavily visual for younger children, while the other carries more information for older children.

There are suggested talking points and activities which can be applied to any type of cancer and the information is presented in a way that can be used by relatives, teachers or therapists alike to help support a child through their parent's diagnosis.

"It is something that is relatable to them and actually our children, mine and Jen have been quite involved in designing them as well," said Nic.

"Poppy is only three so she doesn't have that understanding but even at her age we use them to learn phonics."

The mum-of-two went on to explain both parents felt it was important to be "open and honest" with their children.

"We don't want to scare them or upset them we kind of want to put it across in a way which is honest and open but at the same time leaves them feeling okay and gives them the information they need without overwhelming them," she said.

The nurse added: “Our view is that it’s quite damaging to hide your diagnosis from your children.

“Talking about it is important for the future – it will empower them to know and check their own bodies and go to the doctor if something isn’t right. Taking the scary out of it when they are young means it won’t be as daunting when they are older.”

She also stressed that she was thankful to be able to be living a normal life, as much as is possible.

"When you first say you have secondary breast cancer and it's incurable I think everyone just automatically assumes that is a death sentence," she said.

"And it will live with me now for the rest of my life but as you can see I am fairly healthy.

"Other than that I'm managing to live quite a normal life, I'm still working, I'm still managing to look after my children.

"It's not the end of the road yet. There are still possibilities and finding Jen has been great because it's just nice to have somebody."

Nic and Jen's experience of cancer means they understand and appreciate the work of Cancer Research UK.

"Me and Jen just thought this wasn't how we wanted to approach this with our children..."

Both mums are supporting the charity’s fundraising campaign, following the massive drop in funding caused by the Covid-19 pandemic.

Last month, the charity was forced to slash £45 million from its research budget.

This is on top of £44 million cuts which were made to the charity’s current grants at the start of the pandemic, as well as not being able to fund any new clinical trials this year.

"It’s thanks to research and improved treatments that we’re able to have more precious time with our families," said Nic.

"If we had been diagnosed 10 years earlier, it might be a very different situation. And that’s down to research."

And while the lockdown is far from ideal and has thrown up its fair share of challenges, Nic said she was seeing the positives and was thankful for the "gift of time".

She told KentOnline: "It has been really tricky and because I'm working from home as well it's quite a balance as well trying to work and home school and entertain a three-year-old as well.

"It's not always the easiest of things but actually I'm quite thankful because we are getting to spend quite a lot of time together which perhaps we wouldn't have had before lockdown."

But the nurse hastened to add: "I will be glad when it is not such a balancing act and we can go back to enjoying time together when they are not at school."

You can support and donate to the charity here.

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