For eight years Blake Murray was in a pit of despair – trapped in mental health problems, drug addiction and at times feeling suicidal.

Now, after eight months of rehab, the Deal dad is back in control of his life and is setting up a men’s mental health support group, which begins this month.

The 31-year-old is trying to help explode the fossil-like myth that it is weak for men to show their emotions.

It is thought that this bottling-up is contributing to high rates of suicide – which remains the biggest cause of death of men under the age of 50.

Mr Blake told KentOnline: “I’m not ashamed of my mental health and drug addiction and what I’ve gone through. It’s made me a stronger person.

“But I lost a lot of time.

“Now I want to help men who struggle in life and help them not to go down the same path.”

His own troubles began in his early youth when he had low self-esteem.

His morale was further brought down when, as a fitness enthusiast at the age of 18, he had three knee operations after severe footballing injuries. He was told by doctors he could only now play at his own risk.

Mr Murray, a former pupil of Walmer Science College, began using drugs in his early 20s and eventually took cocaine and cannabis every Thursday to Sunday night.

He said: “I lacked confidence and self-worth. I also struggled with my image of being too skinny as that always affected me. I felt I wasn’t good enough.

“But I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it. I felt I would be a burden so I kept it to myself.

“I found drugs to escape from all my problems but they only made me worse.

“It made me paranoid and on edge and I felt like I was always being judged – but I couldn’t stop using.”

Mr Murray was even the subject of a missing person appeal on KentOnline in 2014. His family were described as “worried sick” and “frantic” having not seen or heard from him for nearly 36 hours.

He now says this episode was a “cry for help” and he just wanted to get away.

Before he was 25, Mr Murray was diagnosed as having a bipolar condition and EUPD (emotionally unstable personality disorder).

During his drug use, he was admitted to psychiatric hospitals due to his behaviour and feeling suicidal.

“I was bottling things up and I felt I didn’t want to be here – I felt I had no purpose,” Mr Murray said.

“All through those days I lost friends and had broken relationships and trust, all because of my actions of not being honest on how I was struggling and what I was doing to cope.”

Mr Murray came to the gradual realisation that he had to change and start living healthily, especially as he had a seven-year-old child from a past relationship.

He said: “I realised I wanted to live a normal life. I have a son and I want to be the best role model and dad that I can to him.”

Last December he finally went into a rehabilitation centre and came out eight months later, recovered and drug-free.

Mr Murray, who was mainly living in Canterbury at the time of his crisis, is a groundworker by trade but is currently unemployed. Now he has recovered he is actively looking for work.

He said: “I’ve learned a lot. Now I want to meet new friends and help other people.

“I want to help others live the best life they can and be able to open up and be honest about what’s going on in their life.

“For men, it’s a sign of weakness to open up and talk. They think it could damage their pride and ego. They may feel embarrassed to share with someone else how they are feeling.”

Mr Murray is speaking out as the “Movember” campaign to raise awareness of men’s mental health returns this month.

His new group, called B Courageous, has its first session on Wednesday, November 8, at the Deal Ability Centre in Deal – the base used by local mental health charity Talk It Out.

Talk It Out’s founder Tracy Carr told KentOnline: “Women find it easier to talk – they communicate better.

“I think it’s the old-fashioned view of men – that they need to ‘man up’, don’t talk. Men are supposed to hide their feelings.

“That shows quite a lot in our own sessions as well because three-quarters there are women. A lot of men just shut away their feelings

“Also the suffering of mental health has never been seen as important as physical health.

“If men talk about their feelings it’s seen as weak, but it’s not. It's an actual strength to open up.”

The connection between mental health and the risk of suicide was highlighted by a Dover trader last year.

Sonia Williams, of Ziggy’s Florist, put up pictures of six people, all aged under 42, who died after battling mental health issues. One was her brother, David ‘Did’ Williams.

Five of them were confirmed at inquests as having died by suicide. In one case, concerning Debbie Lawson, there was not enough evidence to confirm that.

The Office for National Statistics says that in 2021 three-quarters of registered suicides in England and Was were male, adding up to 4,129 deaths out of 5,583.

Among men, those aged 50 to 54 years had the highest age-specific suicide rate at 22.7 per 100,000 (456 deaths).

Mr Murray’s B Courageous sessions are so-called to encourage men to break the fear of opening up.

As well as involving serious discussions with a trained counsellor they will also be social occasions.

They will be held on Wednesdays from 7pm to 9pm.

To join the group call Talk It Out on 07923 096273 or email talkitout1962@gmail.com

Movember

Movember, the charity specialising in men’s health, says that globally on average, one man dies by suicide every minute of every day.

It says that signs someone could be in distress might include not sleeping, eating less or more than usual or not staying clean and tidy.

Victims can become withdrawn such as avoiding social situations, becoming inactive on social media, being irritable, and even talking about death and expressing a sense of increasing hopelessness.

Movember promotes the ‘ALEC’ model to check on friends who seem low.

*Ask. How are they feeling and are they okay? This is if you notice signs such as someone sounding different on the phone or no longer replying to texts.

*Listen. Give full attention to what they are trying to tell you and ask questions to show you’re listening,

*Encourage Action. Help them focus on simple things that might improve how they feel such as proper diet, exercise and sleep. Suggest they share how they are feeling with those they trust and if they’ve felt low for more than two weeks, suggest they speak to their doctor.

*Check In. Offer to meet face to face to keep up with how they are or telephone or message.

More support groups and contact details

Movember (also covering men’s mental health and cancers) movember.com

MIND (mental health group) Telephone 0300 123 3393.

NHS (mental health) Dial 111 or visit nhs.uk/nhs-services/mental-health-services

CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably) Suicide prevention charity. Website: thecalmzone.net (confidential helpline) 0800 585858.

Kent and Medway Mental Health Crisis Line 116 123 (24 hours a day).

Samaritans 01227 457 777.

Mental Health Matters (charity) 0800 107 0160.