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When a loved one is diagnosed with a life-changing condition, the world can feel a lonely place.
You worry about what will happen to them, and what life holds next. But when it comes to dementia, it doesn't have to be that way.
Welcoming community cafes are held across the Gravesham and Dartford boroughs where people with dementia or memory worries and their families and carers can socialise in a relaxing and understanding environment.
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The monthly Memory Cafes are organised by Alzheimer’s and Dementia Support Services (ADSS), the Gravesend and Dartford Messenger’s Charity of the Year, and offer a chance to get out of the house, have a conversation and share information with people who understand what everyone else is going through.
VIDEO: David Annal and his wife Margaret visit the cafe every month
More than 30 people were gathered in a cosy room when the Messenger visited the cafe at Wellfield Community Hall in Hartley and the atmosphere was a combination of a tearoom, a social club and a neighbourhood meeting.
A Kent County Council warden told guests about upcoming community events, including a lunch and a cream tea, and warned them about the latest doorstep and telephone scams, while a speaker from housing, care and support services provider Family Mosaic talked about making things easier around the house.
A raffle was held and the young grandson of one woman living with dementia was allowed to pick tickets and hand out prizes.
Representatives from the NHS and other organisations and businesses were on hand for a chat and Scout leaders, whose groups have supported the charity, came along for a visit.
Tea, coffee and cake were served throughout the two-hour meeting and keyboardist Laurie Blake entertained the crowd for the final half hour.
David Annal, 72, a retired chartered accountant who lives in Longfield, has been taking his wife Margaret to the cafe almost every month for about a year.
Mrs Annal, also 72, was diagnosed with dementia in April 2014, about a year after her husband start noticing changes in her behaviour.
He said: “We were on a cruise when I first noticed something wasn’t right. I know cruise ships are massive and anyone can get lost on them but she had a real job finding her way around.
“I would go down to the bar and wait while she was getting ready and she would take a bit of time to find where I was. But then the same thing happened in a fairly small hotel, she was having a job to find her way back to our room. It went on from there.”
The former clerical worker’s short-term memory is affected and she often struggles to remember a conversation she had the previous day or earlier the same day. But to the casual observer it is impossible to tell she has dementia.
“Anyone who sees her sitting there chatting wouldn’t know there was anything wrong with her,” her husband said as he looked across the table at the woman he married decades earlier. “She’s still pretty capable.”
The couple were referred to ADSS by another organisation and Mr Annal attends a separate cafe for carers as well.
He said the cafes provide a chance to socialise with other local people who are in a similar situation to them.
He said: “Everyone seems pretty friendly.”
Mrs Annal, who was chatting to staff, volunteers and other members, said: “We come here rather than go to a cafe, it’s just down the road. I’ll talk to anybody, it’s nice meeting people.”
Forty-year-old Paul Billing gave up a job in the printing industry to care for his mum Maureen when she was diagnosed with dementia just under a year ago.
Mrs Billing, 72, now lives with her son and his family in Longfield where she has her own rooms but often socialises with her relatives.
Mr Billing, who was referred to Alzheimer’s and Dementia Support Services by an organisation that supports carers, said: “Bringing mum here gets her out of the house and she gets to talk to other people.
“You also get to find out about things that are happening that might help her out. The fire brigade came and told us about all the equipment they do for the home, not just smoke alarms. You can also talk to the other carers and you can learn different things.
“I can’t do anything but praise the volunteers here, and Ross. They make it what it is and without them there wouldn’t be a cafe. They make cups of tea and coffee and chat with everyone. They make it work.
“Mum’s first symptom was weight loss – she wasn’t eating. The doctor tested for everything else then did a memory test and unfortunately mum failed.”
Mrs Billing, who has worked for a solicitors and in a school canteen, said: “It gets me out of the house and gives us a break. I talk to other people here about different things.”
Ross Mullis runs the cafes with support from teams of volunteers.
He said: “The cafes get people out from the four walls of the house. People tend to shut themselves away after a diagnosis and they can become very isolated.
“They can just turn up, meet the professionals, and get hints and tips and listen to other organisations. We’ve had people speak about power of attorney, caring and various other things.
“There’s also entertainment and we’re going to have a sing-along at future sessions.
“We do get people who become regular visitors. Even when their partners pass, the carer will still come as they’ve built up that relationship.”
Kelly Baldacchino will be the manager of a community cafe opening soon at Alzheimer’s and Dementia Support Services’ new building in Coldharbour Road, Northfleet.
She went along to the Memory Cafe to see how it was run but the venture at the Safeharbour Memory Wellbeing Centre will be slightly different as it is open to members of the community as well as people who are supported by the charity.
Mrs Baldacchino, who has managed Debenhams in Gravesend as well as working her way up to ship’s purser at P&O Ferries, said: “I’ve been out into the community, talking to people at the library, the swimming pool, the local WI.
“We want people in the area to come and visit the cafe and then we can make them aware of what we do.
“The builders are coming in soon and we’ve started painting, it’s quite exciting.”
The cafe, which will serve lunches and drinks, is expected to open in May to coincide with Dementia Awareness Week.
Free monthly Memory Cafes:
See www.alz-dem.org for more or call 01474 533990.
