Anita Brightley-Hodges is not surprised when the latest tale of family feuding arrives on her desk.

Three-fifths of privately-owned companies in the UK are run by families, so a little repetition of themes is expected when running a national consultancy for firms run by mothers and fathers, brothers and sisters.

“My main job as a family business advisor is to help families successfully transition to the next generation,” she said at the studio office of Family Business Place, next to her home in Ditton.

“That is the hardest thing and is a taboo subject. It’s what splits a family apart and makes business-owners say ‘That’s it, I’m going to sell up’.

“Often they just need an intermediary who can listen to both sides and forge a path that both can agree on.”

She jokes: “You can always get another business, but you can’t get another family.”

Before setting up Family Business Place in 2008, Mrs Brightley-Hodges spent 25 years in branding and communications, working for clients like British Airways, Sony Ericsson, Pret A Manger and Boots.

However, it was after a spell at Roche, the family-owned Swiss pharmaceuticals giant, that she got the bug for independent companies run by generations of the same bloodline.

Today, her company shares inspirational stories with a database of 10,000 family businesses, as well as printing a biannual magazine.

She reels off name after name of companies she has dealt with, settling disputes, running workshops and nagging to sponsor her firm’s national conference, which takes place in London on Friday, October 30.

She practises what she preaches. Her daughter Amalia is her press officer and business partner, while another of her four children, Olympia, is a design apprentice.

She said: “Most family businesses don’t really show their true colours. They don’t understand why the family factor is so important. They don’t understand they’re sitting on a real gem.

“People will choose them above another business because it feels special.

“It’s about value sets. They genuinely care about the quality of their products and the customers, unlike a bank or big corporation, and they are there for the long term.”

What’s the most common complaint from family firms?

“When you’re in a business together you have to divide family and business. The difficulty for many family enterprises is they don’t separate the two. When you have a bad day you will go home to your wife or whoever and tell them about it. When you’re in a family business you often can’t go home after a bad day and tell your wife. In my family, we don’t talk about work when we leave if we can help it. It is tough sometimes because I get excited about stuff.”

At what point do firms come to you for help?

“You often hear about men being really hard on their sons, to the point where their sons feel infantile, even if they are 50 years old. It is usually the wife or the mother that phones me and says ‘I’ve got to do something or they’ll kill each other’. Women have greater emotional intelligence than guys. It’s just a fact of life. I’m often phoned by the woman who wants to improve their relationship with their children and build a relationship with their grandchildren.”

What options are there for people wanting to pass on their family business?

“There are lots of options beyond handing it down to children or selling up. You could become an employee-owned business or you could nurture and develop an external executive team to run the business while the family remains as chair or on an advisory board to make sure the values are maintained.”

What if someone in a family wants to join the business but doesn’t have the skills?

“Often a good way of dealing with this is to put the job vacancy on the open market. If they apply and get chosen then great but if not they understand why they have not got the job because it’s transparent. Otherwise you have these dreadful situations which can ruin relationships. It’s the stuff of divorces, children abandoning their parents or brothers having a feud. If someone is not cutting the mustard the best practice is to let them go and find a way to do that while conserving the family.”

Should small firms get involved in charity work?

“I really believe it’s good for business. It’s a way to get your staff behind something that’s apolitical and they can come together and share a common cause that is going to do some good. The firm gets great PR and a different kind of recognition from just doing their job. Also, it’s about legacy. If we pay for a well in Uganda which saves the lives of 200 people I think that’s amazing, don’t you?”

CV

Born: 5/10/1958

Birthplace: Hong Kong. “My father was in the army and we came to the UK when I was a baby.”

Family: Married with four children.

Education: Fort Pitt School, Chatham; Canterbury Art School; and Maidstone College of Art.

First jobs: Art editor of Building magazine, then art editor of SHE at Nat Mags.

First salary: “Some pittance. About £3,500 a year.”

Salary now: “Less than nothing.”

Favourite music: “The weird stuff at the back of HMV,” according to daughter Amalia.

Film: Cinema Paradiso

Car: “I used to drive an Audi TT, but now I drive an environmentally-friendly car.”

Book: Shantaram.

Charity: Fields of Life.

Typical day

Anita Brightley-Hodges gets to work at about 8.30am and starts the week with a production meeting each Monday.

She usually checks social media and then works on client cases from about 10.30am.

Two to three times a week she will get a train to London to have a meeting with prospective sponsors.

She tries to finish working at about 6pm and often attends a networking event in the evening.