The nation’s favourite chav is on the road and full of the usual rudeboy rudimentaries.

Lol or lmfao? Ohhh… [long pause]

This 60 seconds might be up soon. Nah I just had a bit of gear this morning so 60 seconds seems like a long time. I’ll say lmfao as Omelette [his "fat legend" best friend] is always online sitting next to me on the coach tapping away. When he laughs his whole body shakes to the point where his ass starts to come off his chair.

Peckham or Brixton? Got to be Peckham innit. The further south the better.

Millwall or Palace? Well I’m a proper London boy so it has got to be Manchester United.

Lacoste or Burberry? Wow. I don’t know man. It depends how close they are to the shop door if you know what I’m sayin’.

KFC or pie and mash? KFC every day. You can’t beat that bargain bucket.

KFC or Nandos? It depends if you want to go for the every day or something posh. Nandos if you’re taking the missus out and KFC if you’re with the boys.

Argos or eBay? I’ve got a new answer to that. It is called LeeBay, where I get stuff from Argos and then shift it on eBay.

Jessie J or Katy B? Both, you legend!

Lee Nelson Live comes to Tunbridge Wells’ Assembly Hall Theatre on Tuesday, November 1 and Margate’s Winter Gardens on Friday, November 4.