Right, stop that, it's far too silly.

If you hadn't guessed, it's April Fool's Day and any self-respecting jokesters and hoaxsters should, by now, have declared this morning's madness to be well and truly over.

Across Kent there's been an outpouring of tomfoolery, with a marvellous mix of ridiculous claims, nonsense news, and the odd report that included just the right blend of the bizarre and the believable.

But were you duped or did they all stand out like a clown at a funeral?

KentOnline got in on the act with an artful piece of fakery, crafted on the back of real news this week that plans for the London Resort on Swanscombe Peninsula had been withdrawn.

Instead, we claimed, those behind the plans had dreamt up a new scheme - with the resort teaming up with BritBox to create a theme park for pensioners with Fawlty Towers and The Sweeney themed rides.

The "bold new vision to bring in the 'grey pound'" would include a "The Sweeney police chase simulator ride, a haunted house inspired by Fawlty Towers and a murder mystery live action role play game based on Diagnosis Murder."

And it would be called... Boomerland.

If that didn't give it all away as an April Fool's, then the idea for a log flume called The Purple Rinse probably removed all doubt.
Yes, it was all a joke; which will come as a relief to those whose parents and grandparents have no doubt been on the phone all morning asking for tickets.

But we weren't the only ones at it.

Over at Bluewater, the shopping centre claimed that, together with Hangloose Adventure, they were aiming to break a new British record today and create the "UK’s longest washing line."

Organisers at Hangloose were said to have turned England’s longest zip wire into a giant, 720 metre-long washing line, and invigilators were due to confirm whether it was a record breaker.

Apparently the record attempt, which had been months in the making, involved "a team of abseiling specialists working through the night pegging more than 1,000 T-shirts to one of the four zip wires", and the mammoth job was completed earlier this morning.

And they said Alison Fogall-Hooper, pictured, a member of the Hangloose Adventure team, had won an internal staff competition to peg the final T-shirts onto the giant washing line.

“I’m normally helping people safely fly down our zip wires at speeds of up to 60 miles per hour, so to say this morning is different to my usual routine is a bit of an understatement," said Alison.

But in truth it wasn't an overstatement or understatement, it was a downright fib.

Among the even less believable attempts, was the claim from Rochester-based furniture manufacturer Sleepeezee that they had hired a new pet bed manager, Bob Walkies, and that a subsequent error in the factory had led to the production of a giant dog bed, 'the Sleepeezee Basket Bed 7500.'

"Bob joins Sleepeezee fresh out of Pupiversity where the new manager specialised in dog holistic health, excelling in the benefits of sleep," claimed the company, which also provided a picture of said new appointment. "In his new position, Bob will be responsible for overseeing the production and sales of Sleepeezee’s pet beds, engaging with every step of the process."

But they added: "Last Thursday, Bob’s ambitious plans took a turn for the worst, exceeding the resources of the skilled craftspeople at the Sleepeezee factory, based in Kent.

"A factory error led to the creation of a giant dog bed, 75 times the size of Sleepeezee’s current largest dog bed."

It's unlikely anyone fell for that one, but we definitely want a bit of whatever they're on in Sleepeezee's marketing department.

As what they're on over at the Shepherd Neame brewery in Faversham, we could only hazard a guess.

Too much fresh air, would seem the likely answer, judging by the pictures of senior brewer Stewart Tricker and technical brewer Danielle Whelan down at Parsonage Farm in Boughton.

Apparently the brewers had taken to reading to the hops following a difficult winter, in an effort to encourage them to grow.

“A study by the Royal Horticultural Society demonstrated that talking to plants can help them grow faster," said Danielle, "so we thought we’d put this to the test by reading books about Shepherd Neame’s history by our Archivist-Historian John Owen to encourage the hops."

We'll reserve judgement on the choice of reading material until we've read some of it ourselves, but it was probably that detail which pushed this quality April Fool's effort just beyond the realm of reason - that and the fact the brewers couldn't keep a straight face. As we said - too much fresh air.

Meanwhile, from Leeds Castle came a far more straight-faced effort, with a very formal announcement that the castle was for sale for £125 million, which might just have been believable if it wasn't so, err, unbelievable.

"Upon creating the Leeds Castle Charitable Foundation, Lady Baillie specified that the Foundation would have a 50 year lease, before passing the baton onto the next owner," said a statement from the castle. "Lady Baillie was a true arbiter of taste, and had a fascination for design and reinvention, which is why she stipulated a change after 50 years."

And Lady Baillie wasn't the only one keen for a change - according to reports from Sheppey the Loch Ness Monster had swum south and taken up residence guarding the Isle of Sheppey's 'bomb ship' the SS Richard Montgomery.

That was according to a Facebook post on the Maunsell Seaforts Appreciation Group, where a picture from photographer Margaret Flo McEwan showed the prehistoric throwback gently nudging the masts of the Second World War American munitions ship, which sank off Sheerness in 1944 packed with explosives.

She wrote: "Strange things occurring this morning out on the Thames Nesstuary...", and a further image showed Nessie exploring the Maunsell sea forts off the Kent coast near Herne Bay.

And finally, anyone on their way into London this morning will have been interested to read an announcement from the British Transport Police.

"We’re excited to announce the reintroduction of a mounted unit for policing on the London Underground," tweeted BTP London. "Our police horses have completed 'confined spaces training', and will be deployed on deep level tube platforms to keep the public safe.

"Police horses can’t go on the trains or on spiral staircases, but they can go on the platforms, escalators and in lifts. It’s been 39 years since the last police horse patrolled a deep level tube station, and a lot of lessons have been learned."

And then suddenly it was midday, and like this morning's snow, the April Fool's fun was gone... until next year.