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This week has been a real eye-opener for me but anyone who goes into football management not expecting the sack is a fool.
It doesn’t make it any easier, though, and especially when it’s a club that means so much to you. I have spent 13 years with the Gills, on and off, and played 370-odd games for the club. It’s a place I have grown to love and that will never change.
I was in on Wednesday, clearing out my desk, getting my kit and saying farewell to the staff. I have had lovely texts from some of the players. It is not nice but it is something every coach and manager goes through at some point in their career.
The manager went to see the chairman on Tuesday and after at least an hour up there, I got a phone call to go upstairs and join them. When that happened a few alarm bells went off in my mind but I was hoping maybe we were just going to chat about taking the club forward but it wasn’t to be and I lost my job.
It’s the first time I have been in a meeting like that and the main thing to come to terms with is losing your job two years into a three-year period where we’ve finished eighth twice.
We have improved from last season, we were the leading scorers in the league and it was work in progress. It might be slow progress but sometimes the slower the better. Football clubs can go too fast, too soon.
There was a lot of rebuilding to do and to be fair, it was just myself and the manager and there was so much to do. Ian Hendon, our assistant manager, left at the start of the season and that set us back.
Expectation levels were get promotion – or you are out. Is that the way it’s going to be? If you jump too far too quick it soon catches you up. Unfortunately, in management, you don’t get time anymore. That’s the sad part of this industry.
We have to find other avenues now to stay in the game. It’s all I have ever known since I was 16 and I’m 40 now. It is my occupation and I will be on the phone, speaking to people to get stuff sorted and dusting off my CV.
Tuesday night was tough and it is sad to see my wife upset but I live in the Towns and I will still walk around proud of what we have done because we haven’t failed – we just haven’t got promotion.
We have left the club in a better state than when we arrived. I am still a supporter, I love the club and will always look out for their results. Hopefully the club will get to where they want to be, in higher divisions, and I would like to thank all those people who have supported us.
I have had hundreds of texts and phone calls. It has just been a crazy couple of days for me and it isn’t easy.
This is hopefully a learning curve and we will reflect on the things that went right and wrong but I couldn’t have worked any harder for the football club. Regularly I would start at 8am and be back indoors at 2am and then back in the next day at 8am.
We had no scouting system in place so we had to do a lot ourselves, as well as organising training. There is so much stuff that people realise we had to do.
We just fell short but was it such a failure?
On Sunday, the whole team attended the Dave Lee tribute night and the list of celebritites that turned out was impressive.
We were talking to Jim Davidson back stage and he was giving us a bit of stick as he is a mad Charlton fan but he did pay a real good tribute to all of our players and staff for turning out. I am sure no other club in the land would have done what we did. We had 20 minutes preparation time to sort out singing a song. It’s one thing to play in front of 70,000 fans but standing up in front of 1,500 in a theatre is a lot more daunting!
While Hess, Chris Whelpdale and Paul Scally and the club’s singing physio Steve Allen did a really good job out front, the rest of us were in the background, swaying and waving our hands.
We were singing "something inside so strong" by Labi Siffre. It is a song that has brought us together as a team a few times over the season.
I hope that you’ve enjoyed reading my columns as much as I’ve enjoyed writing them. I’ve had a lot of feedback during the season and hopefully it has given a little insight behind the scenes at Priestfield.