For Jen Cross, growing up was incredibly difficult due to bullies making awful remarks about her physical appearance.

She was born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate – a birth defect affecting just 9% of babies – and now her son, Will, has been born with exactly the same condition.

Jen fears her son could face bullying when he starts school

It means a baby's lip doesn't form properly, resulting in splits on both sides of the lip and there is no roof to the mouth.

Surgery is available, although this usually leaves scarring and a distinct appearance.

As a result, Jen, from south east Kent, has often been subjected to bullying and constant negative staring when in public.

She reflected on her time as a teenager as some of the worst, but it has continued into adulthood as well.

She said: "I was bullied probably more so from the start of secondary school onwards. That was when it became more noticeable that people were staring and gesturing.

"Often people would pull their top lip up at me or push their nose down and people told me that I look like I've been hit by the back of a bus.

"I was pinned up in a nightclub before and they demanded that I told someone what was wrong with my face.

"Intense negative staring is what I experienced quite a lot and even now as well, but it's just that it's come full circle and I know how to deal with those comments now."

Jen often confronts people who are looking intensely, making them aware that she has noticed their behaviour.

Although she has come to terms with her condition, she was devastated to find out her son would be born with the same defect.

A cleft lip is not hereditary but genetic factors can sometimes play a small role – Jen was told that there was only a 2% to 8% chance her child would be born with the condition.

She said: "I found out in week 13 of my pregnancy which is a lot earlier than most people, but that was not on my radar at all.

"When I first found out that I was pregnant and expecting a baby with a cleft lip and palate it totally put a halt on my enjoyment of the pregnancy because my concerns for his experiences came to the forefront.

"I was extremely worried about how he would be accepted and what he would have to go through."

She continued: "If you looked into the mouth, you'd see his nose and nasal septum. So what that means is that safe feeding was a big hurdle.

"You have to have speciality feeding bottles and the likelihood of breastfeeding is very unlikely. Will was tube fed for six months because you can just kind of grasp that whole thing."

Will is likely to have speech implications, hearing issues and breathing problems. In his first six months, he had two operations to repair the lip and palate.

However, he will have to wait until he is 10 to have a bone graft to complete the gaps in the gum line.

Now aged three, Will will soon be starting school, so the family are trying to build his resilience at home so that the bullying has as little impact as possible.

Jen said: "I think we're more accepting generally of differences but I also think we're very quick to be negative as well, so I think there is a double-edged sword.

"However, I'm very conscious about not putting my own experiences on Will as well – I think we will just accept the fact that bullying occurs and that could be about anything on anybody.

"So in that respect, I know that we're not individuals and I think we will just teach him to respond with kindness and empathy because I feel that those who do the bullying are probably in a negative space themselves.

"We will just build Will's confidence at home and hope that he can then learn and deal with that, if that ever does happen to him."

As well as supporting her son, Jen has launched an online business 'Don't Get Lippy UK' and is a Smile Train Ambassador, as she hopes to help other people with the same condition.

The business name is taken from a comment often said to her growing up, which she has now turned into a positive.

She said: "Don't get lippy was something that was said to me growing up and, up until a couple of years ago, it had the most negative impact – it used to make me shudder.

"I wanted to share our story not only to raise awareness for the condition, but also show people what mothers who are expecting children with clefts go through – all the prep work and the operations.

"I also show feeding experiences because that can also be incredibly difficult."

For Anti-Bullying Week, which started on Monday, Jen hopes to share her story to educate people on the damages bullying can cause and how to deal with it from the other side. November 15

She said: "People need to be taught about why it's important to be kind – giving somebody a smile if they look like they're having a difficult time or giving them an acknowledgement.

"It's okay if you're crying and it's the empathy of being able to put yourself in that person's position. If you're considering saying something negative, actually put yourself in their position.

"Would you want to experience any negative conversation towards you pointing out the one thing that you're most conscious of? Probably not.

"Imagine that person is your sister, best friend, cousin or your mum – you would never want them to be bullied. So try and put yourself in a position where you realise actually that's not the right thing to be doing."

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