Regular readers will know that I have become embroiled in the questionable benefits of tomatoes.

After all, how can a gnarled veteran of Northern Ireland, Bosnia and Fleet Street justly claim to be good looking – let alone claim it is stuffing his chops with toms that does it?

Yet all we have heard this week is that the Venerable Major (centre target opposite) has youthful skin, looks to die for, and other such rubbish.

It all stems from that advert of him (pictured here) promoting the Old Codgers a couple of editions ago. What no one said was that we were holding him up, because his pins are giving out on him.

I put my looks down to clean living, innocence and the occasional spotted dick and custard (washed down with a pint of real ale).