If Yo iz lookin' to larn baht da Dude wot lived in the fancy digs in dah City-wot-ent, iz owt nah!

Or, to be more precise, Charles Dickens has been updated and transcribed into "Chav-speak" in a new compendium.

Which is perhaps not unreasonable for Medway's most famous imigre.

It takes the Dickens classic Oliver and gives it a twist Our Chuck probably never anticipated.

Gone is "Please Sir - I want some more!".

Instead the translator, Martin Baum, has brought it into the 21st Century.

"Oi, Mate, gimme some more!" has been adopted as the title of his book.

Mr Baum describes it as a "yoof-speak guide to the complete novels of Charles Dickens, innit!"

He should know.

His book is a sequel.

"To Be or Not to Be, Innit" was where he gave Bill Shakespeare a chav-over.

But the prospect of "Da Tale of Two Turfs" ...

The opening lines, according to 21st Century Chav-Speak (and Mr Baum) would be:

"It was da best of times, and not being funny or nuffing, but it was da worst of times, to be honest.

"Da year was 1775 and fings were looking well suss in da French turf coz da peasants were minging, or rather they was revolting, and not just coz they was Frogs, innit.

"And it closes with 'It is da far, far cooler fing that I do, than I have ever done; it is da far, far cooler kip that I go to, than I have ever known. Stuff happens.'

"Sydney Carton. Respect."

So - deh Yo hazit. Mr Baum's tome is available from Authors Online at £7.99.

Right-on, Bro!

What do you think of Mr Baum's interpretation of Dickens? Post your comment in the box below.