Son launches Tania Mackelden Foundation charity to help people with cancer in memory of mum
Published: 15:58, 10 February 2022
Updated: 16:01, 10 February 2022
Tom Mackelden's whole world came crashing down when, at just 15, he learned his beloved mum had cancer.
In the years that followed, the prolific fundraiser, who lives in Maidstone, dedicated himself to helping others affected by the disease, while also dealing with the overwhelming grief of losing his best friend, which led to a secret struggle with his own mental health and self-harming.
Now, on the fifth anniversary of her death, he is preparing to launch a charity in his mother's name, to keep her legacy alive.
Tom, 24, and from Coxheath, has set up The Tania Mackelden Foundation as a way of supporting families with a relative battling the disease.
His mum, a hairdresser from Staplehurst, sadly passed away in February 2017, aged 48, after breast cancer spread to her liver, rib cage, bone marrow, spine, and brain.
She was diagnosed in 2013 but on New Year's Eve 2016 was given the shock prognosis she had just months to live.
Tom, a keen footballer, was just 15 at the time of her first diagnosis.
He said: "I remember finding out like it was yesterday. I was playing for Tottenham academy at the time and came home from training and could tell instantly as I walked in the house something was going on.
"My mum was upset and my dad couldn’t even look at me.
"They sat me down and my dad tried to tell me, but burst into tears. Then my mum took over and told me. I didn’t know what to think.
"At 15 you hear 'cancer' and instantly think 'death' so I thought my mum was going to die. My world came crashing down in front of me."
Desperate to stay positive, Tom began fundraising for Cancer Research, notably with a charity football match at Maidstone’s Gallagher Stadium in 2017 which he had hoped his mum would be able to attend.
Sadly she died just days beforehand, but the the former Maidstone United Academy player carried on, despite his grief, to help the charity.
He was inspired to help other after strangers donated £2,000 through a Go Fund Me web page to sponsor a last family holiday for his family to Kos in Greece in 2016.
In the last five years Tom has raised more than £30,000 for Cancer Research and was even named their young fundraiser of the year in 2018.
But he admits that was the time he was suffering the most. He said: "My real struggles didn’t actually come until after she died.
"When she was alive it was always the thought of her not being here but then when she died then original thoughts were a reality.
"I used fundraising for two years to sort of block out what was going on and it made me numb to how I truly felt.
"Naturally the fundraising began to slow down and that’s when my true emotions came to the surface.
"When I was about 21 I started to act different and think differently - I struggled being happy and that all stemmed from the fact my best friend wasn’t there any more.
"All I wanted was to be with her again.
"That’s when the self harm started, I used to cut my arm as a way of releasing all the anger and sadness I had building up inside me.
"I’ve only come close to suicide once but that was enough.
"I was at her grave and I walked into the road on my way back to my car without looking.
"In my head I thought 'if I get hit then maybe I’ll be with her again, if I don’t get hit then today wasn’t the day'.
"Moments after that incident it kind of hit me. I remember thinking 'what am I doing? My mum wouldn’t want this, she’d want me to embrace life and live it to the fullest'.
"She wouldn’t be happy to see me if we reconnected in an after life, she’d be annoyed I was there.
"It was after this I tried to support other people suffering mentally and spoke out about how I was feeling, as for us blokes talking out about mental health is hard."
This prompted him to start an innovative social media campaign, @KeepYourHeadHealthy, in 2019.
The campaign focused on provoking a discussion about mental health, support and the importance of individuals speaking to others.
Now he is preparing to take his selfless work one step further and launch a charity in his mum's name.
Money raised through the Tania Mackelden Foundation will be used to support families experiencing cancer.
He hopes it can help ease financial pressures and will also include a support group called LACS (Life After Cancer Support) to help bereaved children which he set up in 2017.
The foundation will be launched with a Great Gatsby-inspired ball in Headcorn in April.
IT will include a three-course meal, entertainment, an auction/raffle and finish with a party.
Tom explained: “My reason for starting the Tania Mackelden Foundation is I want to become more involved with seeing how the fundraising I carry out helps people more directly and personally.
“The foundation is my way of keeping my mum’s memory alive and the aim of the foundation is to help families who are suffering at the hands of cancer, this can be in various ways but my goal is to bring some respite and enjoyment back to their lives by paying for them to go on that once in a lifetime holiday, helping them with bills or even as simple as a day out or food shop paid for.
“Assisting in the everyday struggles in any way I can is something my family were so grateful for.
“When my mum was ill our family and friends raised money and paid for us to go on a holiday to Kos, Greece and to this day it is still the best week of my life.
“We were able to create long lasting memories as a family without having to worry about the financial implications.
“Another memory we hold dear was a final date for my parents as a couple when they went on a Thames river cruise in London.
“I wish other people the joy this brought us.
“When my mum was ill our family also lost an entire income which had a massive financial impact on us.
“The foundation is to help other families create memories or help them have one less thing to worry about such as bills or repayments that aren’t going away.
“I think these people are going through enough and all I want to do is make their lives as easy and stress free as possible.
“The ball is my first event for the foundation and my first opportunity to raise money to use to achieve its goals.
"I pride myself on doing things that would make my mum proud and I know she would be looking down on me beaming with pride knowing I’ve started something in her memory."
The ball takes place on Saturday April, 9, at the The Weald Of Kent Golf Club from from 6.45pm. Tickets, £45, available at the events Facebook page.
For confidential support on an emotional issue, call Samaritans on 116 123 at any time or click here to visit the website.
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