Eat My Words: Is it as good as Nando's? Wingos in Maidstone offered the 'worst chicken I've ever eaten'
Published: 05:00, 07 October 2021
Updated: 08:33, 07 October 2021
The world is full of famous brothers - just look at Chris and Liam Hemsworth, Gary or Phil Nevillie, Brian and Domhnall Gleeson, or Dave and James Franco.
And with many of those brothers, one is always a slightly worse knock-off in some way... sorry Liam, Phil, Brian and Dave.
Much is the same for Wingos, the chicken restaurant, found in Lower Stone Street in Maidstone.
Although technically - and probably legally - I must declare it is not affiliated with the popular Nando's chain in anyway, it's done a pretty good job of replicating it both in name and menu.
The eatery was next on KentOnline's Eat My Words hit list after a last minute substitute saw yours truly step up to the plate.
A quick browse of the menu on JustEat and I was surprised with the selection. It was filled with all my usual favourites at a not-completely-extortionate price.
I made my decision within seconds and - bang - like that, a grilled chicken burger with medium peri-peri spice (sounds familiar), a grilled halloumi wrap, fries and chocolate fudge cake were on their way to me.
Arriving 20 minutes earlier than usual someone deserved praise, so we'll split it between the lovely delivery driver and the business.
But unfortunately that's where the praise stops. After getting the goods I wasn't hopeful of what was to come when I was met with chips which looked like they'd taken part in the London Marathon.
They were sweatier than a middle-aged man trying to revive his football career at the local five-a-side, and the worst part is they were the nicest part of the meal.
The burger on first appearance was mediocre and looked like something I'd get from a school canteen, and the taste wasn't any better.
One bite into the burger and I'd thought I'd bitten into a flip flop, as well as getting doused in peri-peri sauce which was squirting out of the overfilled bun.
Half the chicken was tough and seemed like it had been warmed up rather than cooked fresh.
I thought I'd try to save some of the wasted sauce, which luckily fell into my burger sauce, with the chips but as expected they were grim. Sweaty and moist, but at least they were warm and soft. Unlike the burger.
It might be fussy of me as well but I prefer getting some chips with salt or pepper on them when they arrive, and these were as bland as porridge. But who knows, maybe their original salt and pepper coating was sweated away?
It was time for the halloumi wrap to try and save the meal. I naively thought it was impossible to do halloumi badly. I was wrong.
The wrap was more like a panini, had a watery sauce which wasn't even noticeable, and a stray bit of lettuce.
The cheese itself wasn't very fresh and had a weird twang of fish - both in smell and taste - which I don't remember ordering.
Already the worst takeaway I've had this year and on its way to being the worst I've ever had I turned to my plastic wrapped fudge cake.
One slice of the dessert - which knocked me back £4 - was quite literally taking the cake. I've never in my life tasted a cake so dry and inedible.
I can only imagine it had trekked through the Sahara desert and any sort of moisture had been sucked from it.
For what should be a lovely end to a nice meal, turned into a chore of trying to eat. It was more washing sponge than cake sponge and I couldn't even bring myself to finish it.
And that was that, within 10 minutes I'd had the worst takeaway I've had in Maidstone. £20 down and I was contemplating paying them again to never contact me.
Food: Absolutely awful. Sweaty chips, a flip-flop like chicken burger, fishy halloumi and dry fudge cake. One-star is a nicety. *
Drink: No drink with the meal. You can buy one extra, but it should be in the meal. *
Decor: The outside isn't exactly eye-catching and it's on one of Maidstone's most notorious roads. N/A.
Staff: A lovely delivery driver who was friendly and polite. But more food was ordered for the family and a few bits were missing! ***
Price: If you're ignoring the quality of the food then the price is okay. It's nothing special, but you'd be better off getting the real deal elsewhere in the town. ***
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Sean McPolin