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WITH his customary knack for hyperbole, David Folb has unveiled his Lashings XI for the 2005 season.
The side sometimes known as a "Maidstone pub XI", are playing Sussex at East Grinstead on June 7 and Leicestershire at Grace Road two days later.
How seriously the Foxes are taking this is open to debate, but Folb can be relied on not to downplay an occasion.
He warned: "Make no mistake, if we lose I will be putting players back on a plane home, failure just isn’t an option."
He might reconsider if he looks at the cost of the air fares. The squad comes from a total of eight different countries and boasts more than 1,000 test caps between them.
You’re more likely to see Lashings in Medway than Maidstone this summer - they have fixtures at Upchurch, Sherwood and Lordswood.
"We’ve been given some money to play in cricket under-privileged areas - not under-privileged areas I might stress," Folb said.
"Maidstone, believe it or not, isn’t a cricket under-privileged area, although it is a cultural and sporting desert."
Folb also feels he has an ally. "We feel a special affinity with Lordswood as we are the most hated clubs in Kent - because we’re successful."
Full squad: Richie Richardson, Sir Viv Richards, Alvin Kallicharran, Jimmy Adams, Sherwin Campbell, Stuart Williams, Joel Garner, Gordon Greenidge, Vasbert Drakes (West Indies), Henry Olonga, (Zimbabwe), Chris Cairns, Hamish Marshall, Chris Harris (New Zealand), Greg Blewett, Damien Fleming (Australia), Shahid Afridi, Rashid Latif (Pakistan), VVS Laxman, Javagal Srinath (India), Herschelle Gibbs, Andre Nel (South Africa), Phil Tufnell, Devon Malcolm (England)