They’re planning to drop first-class from our local train services. Shock! Gasp! Horror!

Our MPs, bosses, lords, ladies and assorted other riff-raff will have to learn what it is like for the rest of us.

While they luxuriate in their under-used, overly-pampered first-class compartments probably paid for by their firms (or we taxpayers) the rest of us are crammed into the cattle wagons the transport secretariat and Southeastern deem satisfactory for the Men of Kent and Kentish Men.

Thankfully, I avoid the train like rampant wildfire.

I choose the coach to travel (went to Glasgow for the day last Monday and for the first time in years found I had to share a double seat).

I always have.

So I count myself well-off.

No, the idea is to convert Southeastern’s first-class compartments to standard class as a way to ease the capacity problems. It’s in the next round of contract negotiations, apparently.

I personally think it makes much more sense to run eight-car trains for the customary off peak four-car slums, and 12-car trains in place of eightsomes the rest of the time.

A number of stations now have longer platforms: we were promised longer trains.

They even built new platforms and installed new tracks at places like Rainham (remember the disruption it caused for dozens of weekends?)

No: the nobs are going to have to fight for a corner where they can do their Times crossword standing up alongside the bicycles and sweating mass to which the rest of you have become accustomed to.

Should be interesting when they hit the scrum that dogs the lives of 95% of commuters every morning and night.

Meanwhile, the next round of contract negotiations is already being considered for the 2030s.

According to my informant it is going to involve the redundant guards from Southern trains being re-employed as Japanese-style platform staff, trained to push passengers into the packed carriages at 7am and 5pm.

Pardon me folks, I’m off to catch the coach.