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A double glazing salesman denied strangling his partner to death in an "explosive loss of temper", and claimed he killed her by accident while high on amphetamines.
Benjamin Bowler, 41, told a jury he didn't didn't mean to kill his partner Kelly Price when he put his hands around her neck and squeezed, as they argued in their flat in Gillingham in January.
Bowler, who denies he murdered Ms Price told a jury he was "too out of it" to remember exactly what happened the day she was killed.
The court heard Bowler, had been in a relationship with Ms Price, who was 39 when she died, for about four years after the pair had met outside McDonald's in Gillingham in 2016. They were introduced by mutual friends.
The jury had previously heard the couple had been in a "volatile" relationship and there had been a number of incidents involving complaints to the police last year.
While being questioned by his is barrister, Oliver Saxby QC, he claimed Ms Price was the love of his life.
He said: "I fell in love with her straight away."
The couple's relationship quickly progressed and they lived in a few places together before getting their own home in Richmond Road, where Ms Price was killed.
Bowler told the court the pair would often argue over drugs and money and Bowler claimed Ms Price would get louder and louder after she had drunk alcohol.
He admitted in the stand he would regularly take amphetamine and cocaine and that he liked 'his whisky', but said Ms Price preferred to smoke cannabis and would mostly drink beer.
Mr Bowler admits on the day Ms Price died he had taken most of the half-an-ounce of amphetamine, when they got into a row after Ms Price accused him of taking too much of the drug.
The jury had earlier heard after he strangled his lover he then laid her on the bed and laid beside her for at least 12 hours .
It is also alleged after he killed Ms Price, he called a friend telling him: "I'm not going to lie to you, bruv, I've murdered her!"
However, during cross examination Bowler claimed he killed Ms Price by accident. He admitted grabbing Ms Price around the neck with both hands and squeezing her neck but said he had done it just to "shut her up".
The court heard during interviews with police, Bowler had admitted to officers he had put his hands around her throat at least six of seven times in the past to shut her up.
While being cross examined by Prosecutor Jennifer Knight QC he was asked if he had killed her in an explosive loss of temper.
He said: "I had had speed and my mind was everywhere, it was an accident. I would not do that to Kelly, I loved that girl to pieces.
"I didn't mean to kill her, I loved that girl. It was a tragic accident. I just reached out, I never meant to kill my missus."
Asked by Miss Knight if this was what he normally did while they rowed, he replied: "Yes, and I have put my hand over her mouth, I know I should not do it. I do it to calm her down."
The court also heard Bowler is 6ft 4ins, and Ms Price was just 5ft 1ins and weighed just 7st 5lb.
He admitted while giving his evidence Ms Price was not physically strong enough to stop him from grabbing her around the neck, but claimed he and Ms Price were "as bad as one another, but they loved each other."
Asked if he had lost his temper with Ms Price on the day in question, he replied: "No that's not true. I just lunged at her to calm her down, it was more of a reach than a lunge.
"It was not my intention to hurt her, it was the amount of amphetamine I'd had, I did eventually let go, she sloped backwards.
"It was not my intention to hurt her, it was the amount of amphetamine I'd had..."
"It's the speed because of that, it's the drugs I am telling you. I don't even remember, I am not a monster, I loved that girl. The amphetamine ****** my judgement up."
He also admitted during questioning that he had not tried to do CPR on Ms Price after the incident.
Maidstone Crown Court also heard Bowler had allegedly locked Ms Price in the flat on occasions, but he claimed the lock on the door was broken and if Ms Price had wanted to get out, she could have climbed out of a window.
In the weeks before her death, Ms Price is alleged to have told her aunt that the couple argued and that Bowler spent their money on alcohol and drugs.
Before she was killed, Ms Price had recently started working at a factory in Gillingham but failed to turn up on January 16.
Evidence in the trial has now been heard and the jury will hear closing speeches on Tuesday before being sent out to reach their verdict.
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