I’m middle-aged, male and desperately trying to cling onto my youth so it won’t come as a surprise to learn that I like inappropriately fast pimped up cars.

I still have a full head of hair but the ratio of black to grey is growing smaller and as hard as I try to convince myself that I don’t look desperate sat behind the wheel of a 155mph hot hatch it’s an argument that’s becoming increasingly difficult to win.

However, when I’m sat in a practical five-door hatchback that just happens to have 362bhp and 343lbft of torque available from just 1,650rpm on tap I’ve discovered that I don’t really care that I might look faintly ridiculous.

I’m far too bust revelling in the raucous, angry burbling noises being spat out of the two fat exhausts as the Quattro four-wheel-drive bites and I’m thrust back in my seat on my way to 62mph in just 4.3 seconds.

The top speed is electronically limited to just 155mph but, unleashed, the RS3 will hit 174mph. The fact that only in the rarest of circumstances, and certainly nowhere other than on-track in the UK, will you ever be able to really let loose won’t stop you from having a hoot.

There are the usual four driving modes to choose from – Comfort, Efficiency, Dynamic and Individual – but once I’d slipped it into Dynamic for the first time and felt everything tense up, like a cat waiting to pounce on its unsuspecting prey, it was hard to find a case for trying any of the other three options.

Throttle response is sharper, the steering is meatier but, most evocatively, are those explosions, burps and snarls bursting out of the optional sports exhausts. It’s as addictive as the drive itself.

There are few clues to the RS3’s potential, aside from the badging, big fat oval exhausts and exclusive 19-inch alloy wheels squeezed into the flared wheel arches the rest of the exterior is understated.

It’s the same story on the inside where the standard A3 Sportback’s interior has been subjected to a few upgrades. Most are, again, subtle, such as the addition of a digital boost meter for the turbo and the fabulously tactile Alcantara-clad flat-bottomed steering wheel. The only exception is the pair of sumptuous wingback sports seats finished in quilted leather.

Standard kit includes the familiar retractable screen that squirrels itself away in the top of the dashboard and provides access to the sat nav, rear parking camera and infotainment system. It’s the same set-up as you’ll find in the RS3’s lesser siblings so I’ve covered its functionality in earlier reviews which gives me more time to focus on what’s important: Performance.

I’ve already touched on what an absolute blast the RS3 is. And I do mean that quite literally. The numbers suggest performance that borders on staggering, but they only paint half the picture. Part of the reason I was almost permanently wearing a wide-eyed look of surprise above a slightly crazed and dazed smile is that there’s so little about the RS3 that points towards its mindblowing potential.

Sure, it’s not quite in supercar territory, but then a Ferrari 458 hardly falls into the practical hatch category. Put into context, however, and the fact that this car, which looks very much like the Audi A3 Sportback on your neighbour’s drive but is fast enough to scare a Porsche 911 tells its own story.

All that power would be nothing without poise and the RS3 is appropriately endowed in that department. Its variable ratio steering is sharp, direct and is not shy of letting you know what’s happening beneath you while the gearbox is as slick as a greasy pig. The ride is firm – as it should be – but bear in mind that this is a performance vehicle and you’ll appreciate just how accommodating and compliant the suspension can be, particularly when you’re using it for more mundane tasks like the weekly visit to the supermarket.

Talking of those trips to the shops, being a five-door hatchback means that there’s ample room for your purchases and you can even take your family with you to help you haul them to the car. There’s room enough in the back for six-footers to get comfortable and, with the rear seats in place, 380 litres of luggage capacity. Stow the rear seats away and that capacity grows to an impressive 1,220 litres.

It would be easy to focus on the RS3’s raw performance as, for the most part, I have. That would be unkind, however, as there is nothing raw about it. The RS3 is refined, practical and comfortable. On top of all that it is also blisteringly quick. Everything, in fact, that a middle-aged man enduring a – admittedly rather lengthy – mid-life crisis is looking for.

Audi RS3 Sportback

Price from: £40,795

Engine: 2.5-litre 5-cylinder TFSI

Transmission: 7-speed S Tronic

Power: 362bhp

Torque: 343lbft @ 1,650rpm

Maximum speed: 155mph (regulated)

Acceleration (0-62mph): 4.3sec

Combined: 34.9mpg

Emissions (CO2): 189g/km

For more information about Audi cars visit www.audi.co.uk