A shambolic disaster of truly epic proportions which simply proves man’s short-term greed will ultimately lead to destruction, and sooner, rather than later.

That COP28 would achieve absolutely nothing obviously isn’t surprising – what is astonishing is anyone thought it would take even a small step forward.

I know some idealistic fools, of the ostrich variety, claim two previous COPs enjoyed limited success but the sad fact is they’ve failed miserably stretching right back to the first Conference of the Parties in Bonn in 1995.

But why, 28 years later, would anyone think Dubai was the best venue for the world’s biggest climate summit? The UAE’s economy is entirely dependent upon gas and oil production and any input from the host was always going to be seen as a statement from the OPEC mouthpiece.

I’d liken it to a group of vegans sitting down around a butcher’s block in an abattoir to consider phasing out meat production while the slaughter continues around them.

And, before you reject the analogy completely, were you aware of what numbers of meat and dairy lobbyists descended upon Dubai during the last two weeks? Three times the number of representatives attended in 2023 as made the trip to Egypt last year.

Surely the UAE Government’s decision to appoint Sultan al-Jaber, CEO of Abu Dhabi National Oil Company, as president of COP28 rang a few alarm bells.

The summit began badly from the moment the delegates’ jets touched down and got steadily worse day by day.

As the talks spiralled out of control, to the verge of complete failure, I couldn’t help but be struck by the irony of the agreement being watered down until it was both pointless and meaningless. Far from pouring oil onto troubled waters, Al-Jaber’s insistence all ministers and negotiators should abandon red lines and arrive without prepared statements simply added to the wishy-washy mess.

This embarrassingly woeful failure to address international climate control for more than a quarter of a century reminded me of the 75-year-old bloke who vowed to phase out drinking alcohol within 27 years to improve his health. He will drink as normal until he turns 103 as it’s important not to rush the switch to non-alcoholic beverages. Claiming it’s not realistic to transition to zero alcohol overnight he plans a phased approach for at least two decades and will make additional investment in beer in the short term to make sure no night out is worse off.

In any event, I’m sure the talking shop between Petrostates and small islands will go on year after year as we continue to destroy ourselves, so I’ll do like the old boy and crack on with a few more beers.