When I started my last secondary school, my parents did all they could to ensure I had all the right gear as stated on the list supplied.

The consequence? Many tens of pounds worth of equipment which, by the time I laid my pen down for the very last time, a few years later, had barely ever been touched (not to mention outgrown).

Science lab coats, hockey sticks (yes, it was a state school I was attending), home economics aprons; all still in pretty much the same condition as they were the day they were purchased as being on the ‘essentials’ list.

Because while schools – and I like to think they have changed but suspect many haven’t – know what, ideally, they want children wearing, they overlooked one key aspect; how did you actually get all the stuff in your school bag?

Unless you wanted to be earmarked as some suitcase-totin’ child – and be mocked endlessly as a result – you kept your bag modest but practical. At a bare minimum, you were able to zip it up. Which, by the time you’d stuffed all your exercise and textbooks for the day and squeezed in your packed lunch too, normally left barely any space for anything else.

That science lab coat was never going to get a look in.

I’m sure for those who got a parental lift in and out, it was a breeze, for not for those who travelled by other means.

I used to cycle to school – a trip which was about a four-mile round trip. Trying to strap a hockey stick onto the frame was, frankly, an almighty pain in the backside. As soon as I realised there were always spare ones to use, it never left my bedroom cupboard again.

As for home economics lessons – any practical left me teetering on my bike looking like a circus clown. It’s all very well saying ‘bring in the ingredients for a simple cake’ but just how in God’s name do you do that while ensuring there was no egg breakage, no milk spillage or flour explosion all over your other books? The dreaded ‘extra bag’ would be necessary and all the transportation issues that came with it. The thought of crowbarring in an apron too was too much.

Try cycling in the rain with a bag on your back, another hanging off your handlebars while also trying to navigate rush-hour traffic on busy A-roads, Not, I can assure you, an easy task.

Do I oppose school uniform and the expectations they have as a consequence? Absolutely not. I am a strong believer in it giving a school a clear identity, not to mention preparing you for a lifetime of wearing smart – and the key here is ‘appropriate’ – gear in the workplace. And I have next to no time for parents who complain when little Johnny is sent home for having an all-over face tattoo because it doesn’t expressly say not to in the school rules. Ditto dying hair shock green or sporting a mohican. Many parents, I fear, confuse individuality with desperate attention-seeking.

All I do ask is that schools do the ‘bag test’ when it comes to the gear they expect parents to shell out for. If it cannot be comfortably packed in a holdall or backpack then I’m afraid they may need to reconsider if it really should be on that ‘essentials’ list.