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Opinion: 'Sure, childbirth is hard for women but not enough attention is paid to men'

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I must pass on congratulations to my niece on the birth of her bouncing baby boy, hopefully naming him Harry won’t prove too contentious.

I’m delighted to report mother and screaming brat are both doing well.

Childbirth is hard on men too, says Secret Thinker Picture: PA
Childbirth is hard on men too, says Secret Thinker Picture: PA

But sadly poor old dad isn’t faring as well after crashing his car in the early hours and breaking his wrist on the way back from the hospital.

Unfortunately, this news came as no great surprise to me and reminded me of my own son’s birth, when I left the maternity ward with emotions scattered all over the place and certainly in no fit state to drive.

Let me say right at the start I realise childbirth is no walk in the park for a woman, even if everything goes smoothly. And, if things go badly it can be an incredibly emotionally draining, not to mention painful, experience.

However, women are genetically designed for the job and a massive amount of care and attention is quite rightly afforded to them. They are also genetically programmed to immediately forget all the angst and agony as soon as the birth is over.

But sadly, in my experience, partners in the process are all too often ignored completely.

'I’m not saying it’s wrong for the man to be at the birth, but it’s now almost impossible for him to say no...'

As society has developed, and in theory improved, there has become a preoccupation with insisting partners are present at the birth, despite this flying in the face of nature, where more often than not, support comes from maternal family members.

Now, before I’m accused of being out of touch, I’m not saying it’s wrong for the man to be there, but it’s now almost impossible for him to say no, whatever he might think about it.

Obviously already emotionally charged and deprived of sleep, he faces seeing the person he loves most in the world subjected to an incredibly traumatic ordeal and yet is powerless to do anything about it. This can have a profound and lasting effect on the man, and I speak as a fellow who was woefully unprepared for the experience.

I’m sure the majority of men will continue to attend the birth of their children, whether the decision is theirs, or induced by their partner or other family members. But, at the very least, more should be done to recognise what they have been through.

If nothing else, having been starved of rest, proper food and with their emotions completely shot, they should be warned to take great care when driving away from the hospital for the first time.

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