There's a new word creeping into 2023 parenting dictionaries and I really don't like it.

The term is kinkeeping and the chances are if you're a women reading this it's probably something you do and you perhaps also have a very different name for it.

Kin-keeping is the phrase being given to invisible labour required to keep a household afloat. It's remembering to post Aunt Margaret's birthday card, booking the dentist, paying the school trip, making sure the kids write Christmas thank yous.

It's more than chores or domestic labour. Perhaps instead best described as behind the scenes maintenance - or maybe actually just stuff no one else cares about that keeps everyone else's life on track?

But the word has gone viral in recent weeks in a social media clip from a gender studies student who explains that she's learnt the term 'for the work assigned to women subconsciously as a gender' and uses the analogy of a theatre production where people clap actors with little acknowledgement of the work that's gone into getting the show on stage. The video has been viewed more than four million times and followed up with various articles on parenting websites and most recently the Metro.

She says: "Kinkeeping is the root of stress in most women’s lives. And because they don’t know the name for it, they’re often called irrational."

Now call me irrational - and I'm sure this piece will evoke accusations I'm a raging feminist as well - but adopting this word into everyday language is one giant step backwards.

'While workers are striking over better pay - women are also fighting a huge battle against rapidly rising childcare costs and wages that aren't keeping up...'

Kinkeeping sounds lovely doesn't it? Homely, cosy, maternal. It evokes images of warming hot chocolates and wiping grubby noses while offering a tender hand to an upset child. It's actually not even a new word but in an age when we're attempting to break down parenting stereotypes the re-adoption of this one is nothing but patronising.

While plenty of workers are striking over better pay - women are also fighting a huge battle against rapidly rising, eye-wateringly expensive childcare costs and wages that aren't keeping up at the same rate, that is now forcing thousands of talented people out of the workplace ironically at a time when government ministers are scratching heads over what to do about a dwindling workforce since the pandemic.

In an article on website Good To Know, author and podcaster Cat Sims explains kinkeeping is a 'cop out' for what women have just called the mental load for years. And she's right, language matters.

Because call it the mental load or cognitive labour - which is exactly what it is - and while it's harder to sell it as appealing, it sounds like something anyone can do regardless of gender and we might stand some chance of someone else (eventually) taking some of it on.

But re-brand it as kinkeeping and we've just rewound 100 years to something that's purely 'women's work' and we're back to praising fathers for 'watching the kids' as if they're ultimately not responsible for them.

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