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The heartbroken mum of a teenager who took his own life has bravely spoken of the tragedy in the hope it will save other parents from going through the same agony.
Michelle Dore, from Sandwich, says she will never get over the loss of her 17-year-old son, Maxi Timberlake.
The schoolboy died on the night of January 29 this year and an inquest in June recorded that his death had been suicide.
Michelle, of King Street, remains mystified why her “funny, happy, rational and brilliant” son decided to end his life when he had such a bright future ahead of him.
And today (Friday) he will be utmost on her mind when she sets out on an epic fundraising walk, with his memory her inspiration to complete the 265-mile distance.
With her on the challenge will be two similarly grieving mums, Liz Hurlstone from Staffordshire and Kim McCarthy from Northamptonshire, who have also lost sons to suicide. Michelle met them through the charity PAPYRUS, which promotes awareness and aims to prevent suicides among young people.
In a heart-rending outpouring of emotion, Michelle, 55, who works in administration for the NHS, said: “Never in a million years did I think that I would be talking about my 17-year-old-son who took his own life.
“Maxi was the most incredible person. I loved him with every bone in my body and still do.
“Our bond was like no other – we were best friends, two hearts joined and we always will be.”
Michelle says Maxi was the funniest, happiest most rational person she has ever known.
“He was my reason for living and I burst with pride when I spoke about him – I still do. He lit up a room when he walked in,” she said.
“I hadn’t the slightest inkling something was wrong because he seemed so happy and content and that’s the frightening thing.”
“My message is: if Maxi can do what he did, then it can happen to anyone. It is frightening...”
But deep down Maxi was harbouring dark thoughts which Michelle believes may have grown out of proportion when she later learned that a girl he had fallen for told him she was returning to Mexico.
Michelle said: “I can only imagine that the heartbreak just hit him hard and then, in that moment, he made an irrational choice that I never ever thought he would.
“I now know it can be a state of mind called sudden onset despair.”
The inquest heard that on the night of his death, Maxi had been at his grandfather’s for dinner where he showed no signs of being down.
But later that night he sent texts to friends saying he was no longer happy with his life and wanted to end it.
“I considered myself so lucky to have such a clever, rational and brilliant boy...”
And after his death, a note was found at his home which read: "I think I'm just not meant to live. I can never see myself living much longer."
Michelle says Maxi, who was a pupil at Sir Roger Manwood’s Grammar School in Sandwich, had such a bright future and his decision to end his life still haunts Michelle.
“There was not a single moment in all of Maxi’s 17 years that I ever thought ‘he seems sad’.
“In fact, I considered myself so lucky to have such a clever, rational and brilliant boy,” said Michelle.
“He had no mental health issues whatsoever and was communicative, happy and had so much to live for.
“He had just passed his driving test and I’d bought him a car, and he had an unconditional place at Lincoln University to study politics, which he loved.
"He was surrounded by love, care and joy. He was popular at school and doing brilliantly.
“Quite simply, my message is: if Maxi can do what he did, then it can happen to anyone. It is frightening, but it’s a fact and the shock of it is something I still live with daily.”
Michelle says that despite her broken heart, the loss of Maxi and his memory drives her daily to try and do things for others and raise awareness of the mental health of young people that can be hidden in plain sight.
She will set off from Madeley in Cheshire today with the other two mums, aiming to reach Maxi’s school in Sandwich on Sunday, October 8.
There waiting for the weary trio will be a reception party to welcome them.
“After Maxi’s death, the school were amazing and so supportive, as were his sixth-form classmates, “ said Michelle.
“They even planted a tree and installed a bench in his memory.
“I will never ever understand why in that moment he chose to do what he did, but I cannot change it.
“I can, however, try and help change it for others so they don’t experience what I have.”
To support her ‘Just Three Mums Walking’ fundraising effort, go to her charity page.
For more information about the charity, go to Papyrus UK Prevention of Young Suicide.
For confidential support on an emotional issue, call Samaritans on 116 123 at any time or click here to visit the website.
If you want to talk to someone confidentially, click here.