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Secret Drinker reviews the Punch Tavern pub and restaurant at Calcott, Sturry, near Canterbury

This is a tricky one – is it a pub, isn’t it a pub?

The Punch Tavern (maybe the clue’s in the name) in Calcott, Sturry is lit up at night and easily visible from the road, but it has a look about it that says it used to be a pub and is now a roadside diner.

Despite its name, the Punch Tavern looked more like a roadside diner than a pub
Despite its name, the Punch Tavern looked more like a roadside diner than a pub

The conundrum continues through the main, side door as you’re immediately faced by a large dining room, a carvery with a roped-off entry area and a couple of those very bright arcade grabbing machines for kids.

However, you must persevere as, rounding just one more corner brings you to a proper bar, with proper grizzled men’s faces glowering into pints and a barmaid behind a line of brightly-lit taps.

Here, the sticky threadbare carpets you encountered as you entered, change to a hard, tiled floor which isn’t threadbare but is still reassuringly sticky.

Walk past the carvery area and you'll find yourself in the bar area facing a row of illuminated taps
Walk past the carvery area and you'll find yourself in the bar area facing a row of illuminated taps
There are plenty of rustic looking beams but whether they're original I wouldn't like to say
There are plenty of rustic looking beams but whether they're original I wouldn't like to say

Now, I know you get what you pay for but officially this place has a Canterbury address so to be served a pint from Brewdog for under a fiver and a very decent large New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc for £8.40 was a pleasant surprise.

The barmaid, who started here four months ago, reckons she’s finally mastered the Peroni and Madri taps and had no problem dispensing our first drinks.

I was on the Brewdog Wingman, a 4.7% IPA, and after just one decent slug could have sworn I witnessed Spiderman walk through the bar before rejoining a family group in the restaurant. I can’t be sure but think he/she/it must have visited the loo – either the gorgeous and gifted girls, the brilliant boys or, ensuring complete equality, the awesomely accessible toilet.

The New Zealand Ned wine and the Brewdog Wingman IPA were both excellent examples
The New Zealand Ned wine and the Brewdog Wingman IPA were both excellent examples
Perhaps overselling itself just a little - welcome to the awesomely accessible toilet. It was competing with brilliant boys and gorgeous girls
Perhaps overselling itself just a little - welcome to the awesomely accessible toilet. It was competing with brilliant boys and gorgeous girls

I wonder why it was decided we needed to be praised so highly for simply doing what comes naturally?

Anyway, Spidie seemed happy with the facilities and, apart from an upturned, detached toilet seat, this brilliant boy can confirm the gents were perfectly average and reasonably clean.

The menu looked just as decently priced as the drinks, so we both settled on a midweek set menu at £11.99 for two courses. We each had a main course, a pepperoni pizza and a scampi, and shared a beer-battered mushroom starter as well as a chocolate brownie for pud – two full meals for just under £24.

Traditionally tiled and fresh, the urinals had obviously been cleaned fairly recently
Traditionally tiled and fresh, the urinals had obviously been cleaned fairly recently
You might need to carry out some running repairs first if you'd like to use the cubicle
You might need to carry out some running repairs first if you'd like to use the cubicle

As I say, there is a defined bar area, which I’m pleased to say, is frequented by some hardy locals, but the vast majority of the place is set out for dining and the target customers have to be families.

There is an interesting looking play area for kids in the small garden at the side and a number of machines in the entrance area. Unsurprisingly there is no pool table, darts or jukebox but there is an old-fashioned fruit machine in the bar and music playing at a reasonable level - I recognised John Newman and The Waterboys.

I did see a big TV screen on one wall but it was switched off.

Served with a garlic dip, we decided to start by sharing some beer-battered mushrooms
Served with a garlic dip, we decided to start by sharing some beer-battered mushrooms
You get what it says on the tin - Mrs SD went for the scampi served with chips and mushy peas
You get what it says on the tin - Mrs SD went for the scampi served with chips and mushy peas
For my main course I selected a pizza 'topped with mozzarella and a generous helping of pepperoni'
For my main course I selected a pizza 'topped with mozzarella and a generous helping of pepperoni'
Very much a 'two-spoon woman' Mrs SD was perfectly happy to dig in and try the chocolate brownie
Very much a 'two-spoon woman' Mrs SD was perfectly happy to dig in and try the chocolate brownie

The carpets were frankly minging and unfortunately some of the kitchen staff bringing out the meals looked similarly grubby too.

From about 8pm the carvery was already being closed down and there was a small late rush, though this was purely staff members, keen to load their plates before the serving dishes were taken away.

I tested the barmaid’s earlier boast about pouring Madri with a second drink and reckon she might still need a little more practice. Mrs SD, of course, took delivery of the brownie and another glass of wine.

The barmaid said it had taken her a little while to master the Madri tap but judging by the head on my pint there's still a little practice required
The barmaid said it had taken her a little while to master the Madri tap but judging by the head on my pint there's still a little practice required
Carpets had been dispensed with in front of the bar, in favour of a tiled floor, but it was still pretty sticky
Carpets had been dispensed with in front of the bar, in favour of a tiled floor, but it was still pretty sticky

At just before 9pm we were the last ones left and the manager, who was clearly keen to be away, was ushering us out ready to bolt the doors. She did explain that unlike other places they get no business at all after this time and they’d be paying staff wages for nothing, although she did say every table had been taken at lunchtime.

The drinks were decent and very reasonable but whether that will be enough to make you think this is actually a pub, and more importantly a pub you’d want to visit, I’m not so sure.

Likewise, the food isn’t expensive, but there’s no way you’re going to venture this far out of your way to experience such straightforward fare.

I’m not convinced it’s a pub and can’t see me paying a return visit, however, I can understand why families working can see the benefit of the meal offers and are prepared to pay the price for ‘it does what it says on the tin’ deals.

Most of the place is set for dining and, according to the manager, if we'd been in at lunchtime we'd have struggled to get a table
Most of the place is set for dining and, according to the manager, if we'd been in at lunchtime we'd have struggled to get a table
Although it was deserted while we were in, except when the staff descended upon it, the carvery area had a roped-off entrance
Although it was deserted while we were in, except when the staff descended upon it, the carvery area had a roped-off entrance
Brightly lit with changing colours to make sure they attract every child's attention, these machines are in the entrance hall
Brightly lit with changing colours to make sure they attract every child's attention, these machines are in the entrance hall

PUNCH TAVERN, CALCOTT, STURRY, CANTERBURY CT3 4NB

Décor: It has the appearance of a roadside diner but once inside you will discover a bar-like area. Some of the furnishings have seen better days. **

Drink: The Wingman IPA was fizzing with tropical flavours and highly refreshing. Likewise the NZ Ned Sav Blanc was an excellent example. Once I was through the head, the Madri was also fine. ****

Food: You get what you pay for so price will score well, however, there’s no getting away from the fact the food was bland and fairly tasteless. **

Price: Serving any Brewdog pint under £5 is a good start and the quality of the wine was great for £8.40. Getting two two-course meals for £23.98 is also extremely reasonable. ****

Staff: Chirpy and friendly, what was missing in skills was made up for in effort. ***

It's difficult to argue with the prices when an all-you-can-eat breakfast is £6.49
It's difficult to argue with the prices when an all-you-can-eat breakfast is £6.49
I'm pretty sure they're not serving any structural purpose but the builders have included a number of rustic features
I'm pretty sure they're not serving any structural purpose but the builders have included a number of rustic features
Blinking away on one side of the bar, you'll find this fruit machine
Blinking away on one side of the bar, you'll find this fruit machine
My partner in crime for this visit, reported the ladies were 'very well kept'
My partner in crime for this visit, reported the ladies were 'very well kept'

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