With no ale on tap during our visit and the barmaid having never heard of IPA, my initial impressions of the Old Wine Vaults in Faversham weren’t encouraging.

But the same staff member, who’d previously been busy trying to extract change from the fruit machine because she’d been left short of that too, said the good news was Fosters was £2.25 a pint.

I promised to sample the budget-friendly amber nectar next time and invested instead in a Cruzcampo and Stella, thinking Mrs SD would settle for a pint of the latter. I did request a receipt but was told it wasn’t possible until “the electric started working again”.

The barmaid – bizarrely dressed in either beachwear or sportswear (Mrs SD and I couldn’t agree) – then disappeared faster than the bitter and we were left with a few Foster-loving locals and a fireplace full of cardboard boxes.

The background music in this hostelry was heavy techno when we walked in but had first shifted to reggae before then treating us to Screwzoo.

However, it fell quiet for a few moments, or at least it did, until the landlady (I presume) – with family in tow – returned from a day out, walked behind the bar and demanded to know the whereabouts of the barmaid.

The bare-chested fellow accompanying her, T-shirt slung over his arm, was served first and then it was the turn of the kids, who’d taken seats at the bar, before the landlady poured her own drink just ahead of the barmaid wandering back in.

Leaving behind the family, the boxes, the barmaid and TV screens showing some sort of US soap on silent, we headed for the sunshine in the garden at the back.

What we found there was a thick carpet of fag ends, picnic tables carpet-bombed by seagulls and scrawled graffiti on one wall.

The hanging baskets had seen better days but, believe me, this was the least of the problems at this pub.

The family, plus two dogs, had followed us out and were grabbing some lunch, so perhaps it wasn’t surprising the barmaid swiftly joined them as well.

I escaped the garden and only needed to wait at the bar for about five minutes before she returned and, without a word, began pouring me a Fosters (well I did say I’d try it!) but I knew there was no way Mrs SD would settle for a pint of bland, tasteless fizz so I ordered her a Sauvignon Blanc.

The SB must have gone missing at the same time as the London Pride and Ghost Ship, so I was forced into a rethink and ordered a Pinot instead. The total round was £6.45 and I swiftly realised the large wine was only £4.20. The price is right, absolutely everything else isn’t.

The pub itself is a great example of Faversham’s historic architecture but it could, and should, be so much better. Beamed and full of character, it’s also absolutely filthy, looked like a storeroom and whether it’s bird poo or spilt drinks, you’ll stick to the tables like glue.

There’s a sign saying the pub is dog-friendly and the point was proved not just by the two pooches in the garden but also by the various ‘messages’ left deposited on top of the fag butts.

There are lights strung up in the garden and there’s a large outdoor TV screen (the only one not switched on) but I wouldn’t recommend moving around this outdoor space in anything but the very best-lit conditions.

Last, but by no means least, I simply have to address the dress code.

If a pub chooses to allow customers to wander around topless then that’s its prerogative and, provided it’s the same rule for everybody, then that’s fine, but surely there should be some sort of parameters for what staff can wear?

I’m not expecting waistcoats and ties, or even that an iron has been passed across something, but I think all pubs should have a dress code for staff of some form.

You can call me old-fashioned if you like, a dinosaur even, but you can’t get away from the fact that first impressions count.

OLD WINE VAULTS, 75 PRESTON STREET, FAVERSHAM ME13 8PA

Décor: The pub itself, which must date back more than 300 years, is a wonderful building but it is appallingly maintained and is dirty, tatty and generally unkempt. It’s difficult to say if the inside or outside is worse. *

Drink: A tricky one to score as the Fosters is as bad as you’d expect, there was no ale available, and the other lagers were standard. Mrs SD said her Pinot was not too bad and was a fairly easy-drinking option. **

Price: You can’t argue with the prices offered by Craft Union pubs. A pint of Stella £4.20, a Cruzcampo 10p less than this at £4.10. A large Pinot wine for £4.20 and Fosters for £2.25. *****

Staff: The welcome could have been a lot warmer and the service a lot quicker. (No stars)

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