I was on my way home and had taken a slight detour when I spotted a pub that was simply too well named to pass by.

The Homeward Bound in Halling sits right on the road with a steepish drive on the left-hand side to reach the car park at the back.

Just walking down the road I recognised the strains of Layla by Derek and the Dominos being played through the speaker in the courtyard back garden. By 5.30pm there were already several ladies sitting in the sunshine polishing off large glasses of white wine.

Making my way through a small wrought iron gate at the side and through the back door I walked round the bar to the front of this remarkably traditional Shepherd Neame house.

Two more ladies were sat in the bar, though this time the wine had been foregone, in favour of two pints of San Miguel.

The barmaid Lisa was swiftly in attendance and, against my better judgement, I decided upon a pint of Master Brew. Quite why I continue to do this to myself I’m not sure, except I always used to hate olives and then, as if by magic, I tried them one more time on my 40th birthday and have loved then ever since. I’m hoping the same magic turnaround might occur with Sheps’ MB but sadly, though it wasn’t a bad pint, I must report this still isn’t one for me.

The music, presumably playing through the jukebox, stuck strictly to the 80s/90s theme and the more I looked around me the more apt I found this. The pub, which is impeccably kept, spotlessly clean and tidy, is so traditionally maintained it too is from a time past.

There is absolutely no covering everything in trendy olive paint, stripping down the woodwork and spiking up the prices accordingly here – this place sticks to what it knows.

Instead, you have a completely traditional wooden bar with brass trimmings, a bell to call time, windows and doors with bullseye glass and taxi numbers on cards neatly pinned to a board – this is a pub of that era, and it’s very proud to be so because it comes with all the pleasantries and good community spirit of that time too.

The San Miguel ladies had left the little one in the park with her dad to head for the pub but they were soon reunited as it was almost dinner time and sausages were on the menu.

Another drinker had taken up residence at the bar and was busy completing his crossword. I mention him, not for the input he made but rather the opposite – he slid onto a stool, had his Fosters delivered, paid for it and sat doing his crossword for 10 minutes without uttering a single word – that’s taking the definition of a local to another level.

The three guys sitting at the other side of the bar were clearly regulars and were so engrossed in their game of cards they were treated to table service by Lisa. I don’t know what they were playing but someone got one for a knob and someone else put something into a box.

There’s no pool table or dartboard, although I did see signs of an old oche on the floor where there might once have been one, but there is a modern looking fruit machine and a jukebox.

I spotted at least one TV high up on a wall in the corner but it wasn’t switched on and everyone in here seemed more than happy to chat.

I saw no sign of food and assume this isn’t an establishment for dining though I did enjoy a packet of Golden Wonder salt and vinegar. Certainly not cheap at £1.50 but possibly the tangiest crisps I’ve been treated to for many a long year.

The Homeward Bound is plastered with the ‘funny’ pub signs eg. ‘In God we trust, all others must pay cash’ – which is fine until you try getting a receipt when paying cash! And ‘Sorry if I look interested , I’m not’ – which is spectacularly unfair to the attentive barmaid Lisa as she was both interested in customers and kept herself very busy between serving drinks.

I’ll spare you and won’t describe any more though I did snap pictures of two in the gents.

Slightly later in proceedings, we were joined by an older couple, resplendent in matching pink, who took their regular order of a bottle of Sheps 1698 and a vodka and tonic to their regular spot and immediately began chatting to other locals.

The toilets are not massive but are superbly maintained and benefit from a number of the ‘funny’ signs you’ll also find in the bar.

The courtyard garden at the back is the one place where there’s been a small shift from tradition with some more contemporary decoration and I sat at a very trendy table, complete with plastic grass decoration and a monster old glass ashtray. The whole area is covered by a roof and there are even plastic sides to keep the worst of the weather out.

This is predominantly a pub for its locals and everyone chats to everyone else (with the exception of the crossword chap, where it’s a one-way conversation). The Homeward Bound still revels in the traditions of pubs from a time now passed, but it is the better for it.

It’s fair to say I was pleased I’d paused my journey home to sample this Shepherd Neame staple and I must remember to talk to Mrs SD about that list of five female attributes I saw on that sign in the gents.

HOMEWARD BOUND, 72 HIGH STREET, HALLING, ROCHESTER ME2 1BY

Decor: Totally traditional, imagine what a pub should look like and you’ll picture the Homeward Bound. There are a few updated touches, particularly in the courtyard garden, but it is wonderfully, reassuringly, down-to-earth. ****

Drink: I’m determined to break the hoodoo one day, but still can’t quite see the appeal of Master Brew. The other old faithfuls are all available and I’ll go straight to the Hurlimann next time. ***

Price: The bitter was £4.50 and anything under a fiver is decent these days. The Hurlimann hit the £5 mark but the crisps, whilst spectacularly tasty, weren’t cheap at £1.50. ***

Staff: It might be a pub mainly for locals but Lisa was pleasant and welcoming to a new visitor and she certainly kept herself busy between serving punters. ****

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