Secret Drinker reviews the Punch & Judy pub in St Stephen’s Street, Tonbridge

whatsoneditor@thekmgroup.co.uk

Published: 17:31, 17 October 2024

Well, this was a day for surprises and having discovered the Punch & Judy hidden away behind the police station in Tonbridge I wasn’t expecting such a spectacular interior.

Without wishing to be unfair, it looks a little mundane from outside so I was cheered considerably to find the inside warm, welcoming, surprisingly colourful and very interesting. Nor was I expecting to slip on a rubber dog chew before making it to the bar.

It's clear enough to see what the Punch & Judy is, but I wouldn't describe the exterior view of this St Stephen's Street pub as striking

The barmaid, I later discovered she is the manager, smiled broadly and, when I asked for an ale, straight away recommended Harvey’s Sussex Best.

A first taste told me this was a well-kept ale and the advice had been good so, with the important work done, we began discussing the pub.

She’s been here a little over seven years, incidentally since the Punch & Judy received its major facelift. She explained the owner at the time was desperate to brighten and freshen the place up so had gone all out with painting, floor stripping and new furniture.

I listened carefully to the recommendation and a first taste of the Harvey's informed me this was a solid decision

I trod on something as I made my way to the bar - it was only later I realised it was a rubber dog toy

Personally she was a little sad to lose the dark brown beams but had to admit she could see the appeal of a fresh, new, much lighter look.

At this point I was surprised to see Eric Ten Hag walk in and take a seat at the bar, I know it’s been tricky at United and I’m sure he could do with a pint, but I still didn’t expect to see him in this St Stephen’s Street boozer – at least, if it wasn’t him this fellow’s missing a golden opportunity to cash in on the looky-likey market (and, with the way it’s going in Manchester, he probably needs to do it soon!).

The next surprise was when a drinker, also sitting at the bar, wearing a red floral dress, suddenly spoke up – the racing was showing on the telly but I wasn’t expecting her to not only predict the winner of the next race, but also inform me she was already up on two bets.

This is the view from the back door of the pub, it's down three steps to the middle area (where there's an open fireplace) and then one more step down to the main bar

The screen showing the horses at Downpatrick and Newmarket wasn’t the only one switched on but absolutely no-one in the bar was showing any interest in the women’s cricket.

There was no sign of a dartboard or a pool table but the two modern fruit machines were both is use and there was also a shot roulette wheel on one table – an item rescued by the manageress following an interesting hen weekend.

This place is about as dog friendly as it’s possible to be so when the manageress’ dog Marley returned from doggy day care he was delighted to see his mate, an eight-month-old Rottie, was in full-on playful mode.

There are a number of screens around the pub and this one, closest to the bar, was showing the racing from Downpatrick and Newmarket

This is the roof space at the back of the pub and I was very impressed by the beams, although the manager said she felt a little disappointed when the decision was taken to paint them

Shortly after Marley’s triumphant entry a replacement barmaid scooted in on her two-wheeled electric vehicle, which was carefully stored away in the back room, before she started her shift.

There was only one ale on but I’d been impressed by the quality of the Harvey’s, noting that if it had been a Thursday and qualifying me for the pub’s midweek saver it would have left another 75p in my pocket.

Nevertheless, I decided to switch to Cruzcampo, which was also decent, but not cheap at £5.95 – and, as is the trend these days, both drinks had been served in brand appropriate glasses. My punter pal, however, was supping cider from a Moretti glass and explained that she prefers what she considers to be a more feminine glass.

Marley (Spaniel) had been away at Doggy Day Care but when he got back he was more than happy to see his new mate had popped in

There's a decent-sized seating area at the rear of the pub and, if anything, the architecture is more striking at the back than the front

Banter flowed freely and landscaper Ollie revealed he had accidentally pulled on a pair of a client’s son’s trainers by mistake and, although they were pinching a bit, it would be too embarrassing to return and swap them back. He was kindly offered a high-heeled alternative but apparently that size wouldn’t be right either.

I left the shoe discussion to take a brief leak and was once again taken by surprise – heading through the door marked ‘gents’ I somehow found myself in a long corridor without any sort of toilet in sight.

The area looked as if it had been given a fresh lick of grey paint fairly recently and was quite smart and fresh but it wasn’t until I walked almost the full length that I spotted the facilities.

I enjoyed the Harvey's but decided to switch to a Cruzcampo for my second pint, again, expertly poured

Parts of the seating area at the back of the pub are covered and there was also an outdoor TV screen

A small opening is just large enough for a couple of urinals and a sink and, when I looked closer I realised there is also a door in the corridor which leads to a WC.

But, the story of this pub is not behind the scenes, it’s very much an inside job – the interior, with its stripped floor, superb high-beamed roof, excellent stained glass windows and impressive architecture is a joy to behold.

Add to this some warm, welcoming staff, a well-kept ale and the fact the place was already filling up and creating a vibrant atmosphere by 4pm and, despite the slightly low-key exterior, you’ve got a top back street boozer.

It doesn't matter which end you view the gents from, there's not getting away from the fact this is basically a converted corridor

Once you've walked along the corridor you'll find a small space, just large enough for a couple of urinals and a sink, has been created at the far end

PUNCH & JUDY, 11 ST STEPHEN’S STREET, TONBRIDGE TN9 2AB

Décor: The outside view gives no clue of the delights contained inside. Carefully renovated seven years ago the interior is light, inviting and fascinating. I loved the stained glass and the high, open roof at the back. *****

Drink: Keeping one ale perfectly is always preferable to keeping many ales less well. The Harvey’s was excellent and, although the Cruzcampo was fine, I should have stuck with the ale. ****

Price: The 4% Harvey’s Sussex Best Bitter was £4.70 and was a very decent pint. The Cruzcampo lager was a good bit steeper at £5.95. However, between Monday and Thursday you can get Harvey’s, Inches or Fosters for £3.95 a pint. ****

Staff: Both the experienced manager and her scootering barmaid were cheery, chatty and helpful, not to mention being able to pour a decent pint. ****