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A father says he was left numb by grief after losing his dad, grandad, 10-day-old son and cousin in just a few years.
Kai Dadswell from Sittingbourne is sharing his story in the hope of inspiring others to “let it out” and heal after he struggled to deal with his emotions.
The 31-year-old said: “There have been a lot of really sad times in the past three years.”
His grandfather, Stuart, was battling with asbestosis which is a rare but serious lung condition that has no cure.
Kai’s dad, Paul, was also suffering from heart failure but over just one year, his health rapidly declined, and he became bed-bound.
Then in 2020, he was rushed to the hospital.
"He had five days fighting for his life in hospital. But it just took him," Kai said.
After his dad's death, Kai and his partner Christina learned they were going to become parents for the first time after years of trying.
He said: “We told my grandad. He was excited but he never got the chance to see him.”
Stuart died just three months after Paul.
Theo was born happy and healthy and the couple discovered they were expecting their second child in 2022.
But Caleb was born with nonketotic hyperglycinemia – a rare disease which can cause serious neurological problems and breathing issues.
Most patients die within the first week of their lives.
“My partner and I went through hell. We just saw him deteriorate over a prolonged period of time in hospital.
“Then being told he was going to come off the ventilator – we saw all of these awful things like him gasping for breath. You think it's gone and then it comes back.
“This lasted easily 48 hours after taking him off the ventilator and it was probably the most traumatic experience that I have ever had in my life.”
Baby Caleb died ten days after his birth on December 30, 2022.
And then another tragedy happened.
Kai’s younger cousin, Amy, died from arteriovenous malformation, which is a tangle of blood vessels that irregularly connects arteries and veins.
“The life expectancy is 70 but it took her at 19.
“These last few years have been destroying,” said the dad-of-two.
Experiencing so much loss from the age of 28, Kai says he didn’t know how to cope.
“Where all these passings happened over the years, you start to become shielded from it.
“Not shielded as in you don't care about it, but the fact that you’ve seen it too many times, it's not shocking anymore which is quite scary.
“When going through all of that, I didn’t really let out any emotions.”
Kai has been an aspiring musician since he was 15 and his best friend of 18 years, Joe, pushed him to turn his passion into an outlet for his grief.
Around the Christmas period, the pair sat down and reflected on the “awful” last couple of years.
"I decided to pick up the guitar again and stop letting the inner perfectionist in me come out and say no," said Kai.
They decided to record their own version of Chris Isaak’s 1989 hit, Wicked Games.
“The meaning behind the words are completely different to me now. We did the cover and we were like wow, this is good, let’s do a music video.”
They wrote a list of what they planned to film, headed to the Isle of Sheppey and shot the entire video within three days.
When editing, inspiration struck.
Kai said: “It was almost like fate - there was a big black pause after the ending of the middle section of the video and we were just like what can we put in there? What would help a lot of people?
“We thought this could help out a lot a lot of people so then we added in the suicide helplines and the grievances.
“Just by adding those, the impact of the video was so incredible.”
And, much to their surprise, the video has garnered a lot of support online.
“When I usually post anything it's nothing. You get three or four likes and your mum goes ‘Oh well done, brilliant,” laughed Kai.
But, earlier this month, the clip was also shown at a MensTalk Sittingbourne meeting.
On a Facebook post, the men’s mental health group said: “Your video resonated deeply with many of us, as we often find it easier to connect with emotions through visuals and sound.
“It was heartfelt and authentic, and we're grateful for your courage in sharing your story.”
Jason Firmager, CEO of MensTalk Sittingbourne said: “I think men’s expressions of their own journeys and mental health is incredibly important.
“Some talk, some need to do something, and some need to express themselves through music.
“For Kai, that was his way of expressing his journey - putting his feelings, his passion and his heart into something.”
Though Kai says stigma remains around men’s mental health, he’s hoping his video will have an impact on everyone.
If you want to talk to someone confidentially, click here.
“If you are going through a hard time, if you are feeling like there is no hope for you and if you're suffering at all and you don’t know how to let it out, have a look at the video.
“I let my vulnerabilities go - no one ever sees me cry. I had the camera in my face and I blurted out.
“Just allow it to happen, follow your healing process because there are better things out there and they ain't always got to be bad.”
