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The very first thing you see when entering the subject of this week’s Eat My Words review is a big red sign that reads: “Warning, you are about to enter a politically incorrect zone.”
It goes on to list the behaviours you may encounter, among them “all forms of opinion, behaviour, profanity and general insensitivity” before signing off that “if you find any of these offensive, tough s**t”. Albeit, minus the asterisks.
On the wall, reads another which says: “If something offends you please let us know - we can all use a good laugh.”
Not one for the liberal left then.
But then it was perhaps inevitable that it would be this way in a place called The Bouncing Bomb Cafe which has Union Jacks on its signage, in its windows and, just to really hammer home its particular brand of patriotism, sticking out of the condiment holder.
A quick check of its Facebook page reveals its pre-election hi-jinks. including waving a Reform UK flag and staff gathering around a lifesize cut-out of none other than Nigel Farage positioned in its doorway. He’d absolutely love it here. Many, many others will find it a tad uncomfortable.
If you are of the view it’s best to keep your political opinions to yourself when in business to prevent people steering clear, this place clearly doesn’t agree.
Inside, away from the rather cluttered main counter, the bare brick walls are coated in pictures of Second World War aircraft and the obligatory picture of a bulldog, dressed in Union Jack waistcoat smoking a Churchillian cigar.
And, of course, given its name, a big framed poster of the Dambusters (testing of their famous bouncing bomb took place further down the coast at Reculver).
There’s not a copy of the Guardian among the punters in sight. I suspect you may get a rough ride if you come in with one tucked under your arm.
I opt to sit outside.
It’s mid-morning, mid-week and the place is doing brisk business.
I order a veggie breakfast, a cup of coffee, and perch at a table out the front. Let’s park the political aspects for a moment and concentrate on the food.
For your £8.80 you get egg, beans, tomatoes, mushrooms, hash browns and bubble and squeak. Plus either toast or bread and butter. The coffee adds an extra £2 to the bill.
The coffee appears swiftly and the toast not long after. The bread is a decent quality and the butter has melted to the perfect level. A cracking start.
The main dish appears and it’s as you would hope - a classic big plate of all your favourites. The hash browns and bubble and squeak are particularly worth of praise. Everything feels fresh and devoid of the fat which can so often swamp (and spoil) such a dish. There’s a generous dollop of juicy mushroom and a similar-sized portion of tomato.
We all know what an English breakfast looks and should taste like and this ticks all the boxes. At a little over a tenner a head, it’s decent value given the quality.
But…and it’s a big but…I’m going to say it. The tenor of this place is a bit much. Personally, I don’t want to enter somewhere which advocates for being as unpleasant as you like and tell you to eff off if you don’t like it.
I appreciate the signs are probably all in jest, but if I wasn’t a white, middle-aged, straight man I may feel distinctly uncomfortable. I’m sure its regular punters all think it’s a bit of a joke - and I’m not suggesting anyone actually takes a blind bit of notice of it - but no one, surely, wants to encourage the casual racism, xenophobia, sexism and homophobia of times past - which the signs suggest is condoned - do they? Especially not while eating such decent food. That’s not what made Britain great is it? In fact, it was so bad we all, collectively, turned our back on it ages ago.
Be patriotic, by all means - there’s nothing wrong with that - but don’t suggest you can spout off any old rubbish over a cup of tea and a slice of toast.
There will be plenty of people - I have no doubt - who will lap it all up and possibly are daft enough to even take it seriously. If that’s not the intention - and let’s give them the benefit of the doubt here as I can’t imagine any business actually wanting to encourage such a retrograde social step - then I’d say lose the sign at the point of entry because it certainly sets a tone that’s hard to shake.
So, in summary - good food, good service but questionable signage.
Out of five:
Food: An excellent, well-balanced, well-cooked full English (albeit meat-free) with decent quality ingredients *****
Drink: A decent cup of coffee - washed the breakfast down well ***
Decor: If you like your politics to be embodied by Nigel Farage, then you’ll love this place and give it *****. If not, it’s distinctly unwelcoming *
Staff: Friendly, efficient service - no complaints. Just pleased I didn’t start extolling the virtues of our new Prime Minister ****
Price: I know you can buy full English breakfasts cheaper - but this is a decent quality one and for a big plate and decent cup of coffee for the grand total of £10.80 it’s hard to argue with the value ****