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The father of the twins killed by their own mother on Boxing Day last year says he has been dreading the anniversary of their tragic deaths.
Steven Ford admits he hasn't put a tree or decorations up, sent a card or bought gifts, as he tries to come to terms with losing his beloved Jake and Chloe, who were taken from him at the hands of his estranged wife Samantha Ford in Margate.
His beautiful children were aged just 23 months when she drowned them in the bath.
But Steven says while it has been the hardest 12 months of his life, he can proudly say he has survived.
"My journey with grief is far from over but the most intense, mentally challenging year of my life has passed by," he said.
"There will still be tough times ahead but with the love and support of the special people I have around me, I will be OK and one day, with hope, I can be truly happy again."
Steven, who had been separated from Ford when she carried out the horrific acts, says he thinks about Jake and Chloe every day and misses them both terribly.
"Boxing day is the first anniversary of their deaths and for months I've been dreading it," he said.
"Grieving has become an everyday part of my life but I'm learning how to live with it. It's my new normal.
"I do want to be able to enjoy Christmas time again, but this year I've felt I needed to avoid it.
"Hopefully next year I'll be able to enjoy Christmas again.
"To lose a child or loved one at any time of the year is difficult but Christmas is a time for family, it's a way for families to reflect on the year past and prepare for the year to come, a time for parents to sit back and see how their children have grown - it's a happy and joyous occasion.
"I hope that one day I can have that again."
Kind-hearted Steven had only allowed Ford to have the twins on Boxing Day - despite her fragile mental state - because he believed a mother should see her children over the festive period.
But cruel Ford - in what has been described as a twisted act of vengeance after their marriage broke down - killed them, dressed them and placed their bodies in their cots, before ploughing her car into the back of a lorry on the A299 Thanet Way in a failed attempt to kill herself.
Just hours later, at 8.30am on December 27, Steven - excited to get his children back - received a knock on his door from police officers to deliver the devastating news which would forever change his life.
Ford, who had Googled how to drown someone in the weeks before she killed the twins, avoided a double murder conviction after the Crown Prosecution Service accepted her guilty pleas to manslaughter on the grounds of diminished responsibility.
She was jailed for 10 years - a term described as "disgusting" by Steven - but is currently in a psychiatric hospital until she is deemed fit enough to be moved to a prison.
