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When nurse Pat Johnson sent a WhatsApp message to her family saying she loved them, she knew it could be the last chance she would get.
Laying in a hospital bed in intensive care at the QEQM in Margate, where she works, she was battling Covid-19 and about to be put into a coma, which would allow doctors to put her on a ventilator.
The grandmother-of-three admits she thought she might not make it.
But 10 months on, the courageous 57-year-old is back at work, despite still suffering psychological and physical after-effects of the virus.
Her phased return started six months after her near-death ordeal. Although she has stepped down as manager of Bishopstone ward, she is now part of the team working on the new elective orthopaedic centre project.
She says she still suffers from breathlessness and fatigue, but admits it is the psychological effects of the virus that have been most difficult to deal with, for her and her family.
From flashbacks at work to anxiety felt by her loved ones whenever she is on shift, it hasn't been easy.
"I have had counselling, and I don’t mind if people know that," she said.
"My whole life has changed. My children get anxious and my husband has been through hell.
“I think it is going to take a long time for him to be completely at ease with me at work, and I really do understand that."
Pat’s first flashback was when she saw someone who had nursed her in intensive care, while others have been when seeing acutely unwell patients in the corridors, or when being fitted for a face mask.
"In that moment I was in that bed with the tracheostomy tube in my throat, feeling scared and not knowing what was happening," she said.
'There were times when I wondered whether I would ever be me again' - Pat Johnson
"When I see people wheeled past as I would have been it’s hard. But I can manage them now. Thanks to my counselling I have strategies and I can use them."
She admits she is expecting the upcoming anniversaries of her illness to be difficult.
“Easter will be the hardest anniversary, because I was in ITU and intubated last year. But I have to get over it," she said.
Pat has had her first dose of the Pfizer vaccine, and is waiting for her second. She encourages everyone to take up the offer as a first stop to easing restrictions.
She said: "I would try anything to keep the virus at bay and get some sort of life back.
"It really upsets me when I see people who blatantly flout the rules. They have no idea what it is like to have your life completely changed or what my family went through.
"I think I am always going to be wary of crowded places now, and it has made me look differently at life and holidays and the things we took for granted before.
"But my motto is to focus on what I can do, not what I can’t, whether that’s my health or with the restrictions at the moment: I can still go for a walk, I can work and I can video-call my family.
"There were times when I wondered whether I would ever be me again, but I am stubborn and I kept pushing myself, and the small successes and progress turn into big ones.
"It has been painfully slow but I love my work and I wanted to come back and I’m so glad I could."
Pat says throughout her recovery she has been overwhelmed by the kindness and support shown to her by colleagues across the QEQM and beyond.
"I can’t walk down the corridor without people saying how glad they are I’m back," she said.
"Liz Shutler, the deputy chief executive, who had been our executive buddy for Bishopstone ward, came to welcome me back and everyone, from my staff, to my managers and senior leaders, has been so supportive and understanding."
