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Five years ago Toby Winson almost lost his life to alcoholism at the age of 26, but he beat the bottle and today says he's never felt better.
Here the 31-year-old from Broadstairs tells how being offered the Covid vaccine was a sobering - and welcome - reminder of the damage he inflicted on his body while in the grip of addiction...
While at work on Friday morning, I received a phone call from my GP surgery. They said I could come down and get the Covid vaccine.
My immediate response was: “Really?! Surely it’s not my turn yet? I’m 31!"
But deep down I knew there was a chance I could be asked before my age group.
The lovely lady went on to tell me that I’m in group 6 and classed as ‘at risk’. It’s because my addiction to alcohol landed me with liver disease in 2015.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m extremely grateful to have had the jab, and if my amazing GP is telling me I NEED to have it now because I’m at risk, I’m going to listen. My doctor is far more qualified than me to make those decisions.
After all, I’ve done my research and listened to the right people, and I’m confident that it’s safe.
But it was a reality check to hear that I’m still classed as 'at risk'.
I don’t feel unhealthy in any way, shape or form.
I’m almost five years sober, I exercise six days a week, I don’t smoke and I eat reasonably healthy. I actually feel the best I ever have.
It had reached the point where I think I was beginning to push the memories of having liver disease to the back of my mind.
Sometimes it’s easy to forget the past when things are going so well in the present.
And that can be dangerous.
It’s important for me to remember the damage I’ve done to myself. As far as I understand it, just six years ago, my liver had pretty much stopped working.
I spent a month in King's Hospital in London while the incredible doctors and nurses battled to save my life.
At that point, the addiction had drained every last ounce of hope out of me. I had lost all of it. Luckily, the people treating me hadn’t.
My liver may not be fatty or enlarged anymore, but it’s still scarred. After all, my drinking had almost sent me to an early grave.
Reminders like this are blessings for my recovery.
At first, I was gutted to hear that I was ‘at risk’, because it’s not how I feel. But now I’m grateful for the nudge in the right direction.
That doesn’t mean to say I was on the brink of relapse; quite the opposite. But if I continued to forget what alcohol did to me, it could have a say on my recovery in the future.
For me to be the best version of myself, I need to remember what rock bottom was like.
My past is not a pretty one, but I need to keep those memories and experiences alive.
The memories of my darkest days are the strongest fuel for my recovery. They’re also pushing me to make the absolute most out of the life I have left in front of me - and that’s what I plan on doing.
I now have my wonderful family back, a home and a career I could never have dreamed of.
I won’t be losing those things again. It just goes to show that no one is a lost cause. Recovery from addiction is possible.
Click here to read Toby's blog on his recovery from addiction.
