Police outside Fort Crescent in Margate after James Heddington died

by Paul Hooper

The Thanet mum-of-three who denies murdering her partner has revealed she blames herself for his death.

Sarah Ripley, who is 22 tomorrow, told a jury how she and lover James Heddington had been locked in a tug-of-war with a knife.

She said he held the weapon to his stomach and she grabbed his hands to pull it away – but in anger let go and the knife went into his stomach.

“I felt it was my fault because I let go of the knife.

“If I didn’t...he would probably still be here, “ she told Canterbury Crown Court.

Ripley, of Fort Crescent, Margate has pleaded not guilty to murdering the 29 year old drugs addict in September last year.

In giving evidence, she told of her troubled upbringing – being one of 15 children from a Romany family- and raised by an aunt and uncle from two weeks old.

She told how in January 2012 she was attacked by another woman and stabbed puncturing both her lungs.

“I died twice but was resuscitated, “ she said.

Ripley said she moved in with Heddington – her third serious relationship – within a week of meeting him, claiming she was touched by “his chaotic lifestyle”.

She said: “I felt sorry for him. He was a good-looking boy. I loved him. He used to bring me flowers and at first he would do anything for me.”

Her first relationship – with whom she had a child – ended because of his violence and the second because of her alcohol problems.

Ripley claimed that she became pregnant with twins and Heddington started suffering from paranoia – accusing her of having “another husband”.

She told the jury that on occasions he would make a pot of tea...and pour three cups...”one for your other husband”.

Then he would sometimes go to their balcony window and whistle and shout outside: “You can come up now!”

She added: “ He was paranoid. He was convinced there was somebody living in our flat and that I had another man.”

On occasions he would claim his own boxer shorts belonged to someone else, she said.

When she became pregnant she initially thought of having an abortion but when doctors said they would be twin girls “I thought it was my little miracle” and decided to have the children.

But she alleged the violence became worse along with accusations from her lover that she was “a whore and a slag” and she alleged he began taking drugs and sleeping with a knife under his pillow.

In September last year – just a day before she was expecting to be jailed for two burglaries – she had gone drinking in Thanet.

During the afternoon, Heddington had borrowed phones to call her but she had refused to go home – fearing they would row again.

"i knew he hadn’t meant to do it from the look of shock on his face. it was a complete accident" – sarah ripley

“I was debating whether or not to go home but I was missing him and I loved him. We had good times and I loved him...I still love him. I would do anything to bring him back.”

She claimed that once at home she was punched by her lover who then dragged her upstairs by her hair.

“He hit my over the head. I don’t know I must have been unconscious or something because I was all dazed. I looked up and he had a knife against his neck.”

She said Heddington then threatened to kill himself and placed the knife against his stomach.

“He was crying and I was crying. He said: ‘My wife can watch me kill myself. Are you ready..one, two..?’. I grabbed his hands and there was a tug-of-war and eventually I shouted: “Well if you are going to f----- do it... then just do it’”, she claimed.

After the knife went into his stomach she told the jury: “I knew he hadn’t meant to do it from the look of shock on his face. It was a complete accident.”

Heddington told her he needed to go to hospital but as he walked down stairs he collapsed and died later from his injuries.

Ripley said she then panicked and hid the knife under a carpet – fearing if the authorities knew about the incident she would lose her children.

Later she took the bloodied weapon and threw it into a sink – where it was later found washed.

The trial continues.