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The Kent mother of two murdered daughters has told BBC presenter Stacey Dooley of her pain and grief in an emotional documentary.
Mina Smallman, a retired priest, invited Ms Dooley into her Ramsgate home and discussed how the killing of Nicole, 26, and Bibaa, 46, has tested her faith.
The programme also recounts the horrific moment the sisters were found dead by Nicole's boyfriend Adam in Fryent Country Park, Wembley, in June 2020.
Friends and family had launched their own search due to the Met Police showing "no sense of urgency" when Ms Smallman reported her daughters missing.
Mrs Smallman describes the phone call Adam made after discovering his girlfriend and her sister dead: "He said, 'Mina, Mina, I need you to sit down. We've found them. But they're gone.'"
Nicole and Bibaa were murdered by Danyal Hussein, 19, who "made a deal with a devil" that he would "sacrifice" women in order to win the lottery. He was jailed for life.
It also emerged that two Met Police officers - PC Deniz Jaffer and PC Jamie Lewis - had taken "inappropriate" pictures at the crime scene.
They were both jailed for two years and nine months for taking photographs of the bodies, which were then shared on WhatsApp.
Speaking to Ms Dooley in Ramsgate, Mrs Smallman talks about the "meltdowns" she has suffered following the murders and the revelations about the officers' actions.
She describes it as being like "something snaps" and she feels like she wants to "join my girls".
But knowing the pain caused by losing someone you love, she says she couldn't do that to her husband Chris or her other daughter Monique.
"As a mum I just want to go and curl up and die somewhere, really, but what keeps me going is justice," she adds.
Mr Smallman is described as being "like a rock" for his wife.
He tells Ms Dooley: "I still talk to the girls before I go to sleep.
"I don't think it ever will get easier."
Mr and Mrs Smallman are also seen lighting candles for their daughters at Canterbury Cathedral - and later planting a tree in their memory in the Cathedral gardens.
Mrs Smallman, the first black archdeacon in the Church of England, invited Ms Dooley to help her tell her story through both the trial of her daughters’ killer and the trial of the Met police officers.
Ms Dooley witnesses how her faith has played a pivotal role - helping her to cope with her grief and anger and strengthen her resolve to fight to end violence against women, so her daughters did not die in vain.
The documentary called Two Daughters, which aired last night on BBC Two, is available to watch on iPlayer.