What's On's film writer Mike Shaw gives his view on the latest cinema news.

Ninety per cent of remakes are rubbish. But thankfully there’s one classic that will never have to run the risk of being sullied and that’s Back to the Future.

Despite repeated approaches from producers, director Robert Zemeckis is adamant that his classic film trilogy will never be remade. Or, at least, not in his lifetime.

While he acknowledged it’d be an instant hit, when asked about the prospect of a remake, Zemeckis said: "Oh, God no. I mean, to me, that’s outrageous. Especially since it’s a good movie. It’s like saying 'Let’s remake Citizen Kane. Who are we going to get to play Kane?' What folly, what insanity is that? Why would anyone do that?"

Thankfully, co-writer and co-rights holder Bob Gale agrees with Zemeckis, and both men say they’ll never sign off on a remake as long as they live. Zemeckis is hopeful that his estate will find a way to block its production even after his eventual death.

“That can’t happen until both Bob and I are dead. And then I’m sure they’ll do it, unless there’s a way our estates can stop it,” he said. Financially, a Back to the Future remake would be great for Zemeckis, Gale and the studio, so it’s heartening that none of the people who get a say have any interest in debasing a classic.

Conspiracy theorists and other paranoids are wetting themselves with fearcitement over the combination of a giant asteroid they say is heading for Earth towards the end of September (it’s not) and the Large Hadron Collider opening up a black hole that will suck all of existence into a space the size of a pinprick, or Simon Pegg’s self-awareness, whichever is smaller (it won’t).

However, if Back to the Future ever gets remade, THEN they need to worry. A portal to hell being ridden by Kronos the destroyer will open up over Hollywood, turning the skies a fiery black and swallowing all feelings of joy and hope for the remainder of eternity.

And all because someone wanted to sell more hoverboards.

Mike Shaw writes for the KM Group's What's On each week.