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I was raised on the gas planet Bespin and became a jedi knight under the guidance of the wise Obi-Wan Kenobi.
This could be the opening gambit of a story about a great character in the Star Wars saga.
As it turns out, the story is about me and I am a fish-headed mon calamari, an orange-skinned species with saucers for eyes and bony webbed hands.
This “charming” image is exactly what brings all the charm to the Star Wars Identities exhibition at the O2, a collection of memorabilia from the original six films.
In the words of Yoda, “a geekfest, this show most certainly is” but the interactive element is enough to hold the attention of sceptical mums and too-cool-for-school older brothers dragged along by fanboy relatives.
The two and a half hours it took to soak up this sci-fi indulgence seemed to fly by as I walked around the exhibition packed with costumes worn by the stars.
Nothing appeared to be missing, with outfits worn by Mark Hamill as Luke Skywalker and Harrison Ford as Han Solo – and yes, that bikini which adorned Carrie Fisher in Return of the Jedi.
After marvelling at how slight Anthony Daniels must have been to fit into his original C-3PO costume, it is shocking to see just how imposing Peter Mayhew would have appeared when playing the giant hairy wookie Chewbacca.
Next to these pieces of alien antiquity are fascinating drawings showing the early concepts behind the familiar characters, notably of Chewie as a monkey-like figure and Luke Skywalker as a girl – an idea director George Lucas entertained before casting the original 1977 film.
For the non-nerds, the creation of your Star Wars identity gives some light relief. Before entering, each visitor is given an interactive headset, which comes alive with commentary when pointed at different parts of the exhibition.
I spent an unhealthily narcissistic amount of time deciding which character trait most applied to me. Did I believe “good and evil are only points of view” like the Emperor or that “I take orders from just one person, me” like Han Solo?
The climax of the exhibition takes a darker turn as a series of costumes worn by the saga’s jedi and sith lords are overlooked by the character central to all the films in one way or another – Darth Vader.
There is a hypnotic quality to the costume worn by David Prowse in Return of the Jedi, when the plotlines of all six films comes to its dramatic end.
There is also an intimating physicality to the suit worn by the bodybuilder, who played the body but not the voice of the villain.
At the end of it all, visitors get to see the Star Wars character they have created and are able to email themselves the story of their hero.
I advise you not to choose the fish-headed alien as your species, though. I wouldn’t have backed myself in a battle with Lord Vader.
DETAILS
Star Wars Identities is at the O2 until Monday, September 4. Tickets from £20, concessions £15, children £10. Call 0844 856 0202 or visit theo2.co.uk